I Love You, pt. I
7 months ago
I told some I love you too, once. My heart was sinking as I was saying it; I knew I was lying and felt absolutely horrible as the words were coming out of my mouth. I knew I was only saying it because I felt it was the polite thing to do. In regards to sincerity it was the emotional equivalent of saying “good, thanks!” when someone asks “how are you doing?”. I think he believed me at the moment. In the end it didn’t matter, things didn’t work out.
I want to be with someone who loves me as deeply and as genuinely as I love them. I am a compassionate, sensitive, forgiving, nurturing person and I have a tendency to fill my life with people who are shallow, selfish, egocentric, etc. It wouldn’t matter so much if I didn’t find myself caring about them despite resolves not to and despite rationally knowing that they don’t care about me. I dislike being physically alone, but the alternative has been too emotionally and mentally draining.
Anyways, I have a firm resolve for my next relationship to be with someone whom is capable of and wants to love and care about me as much as I will them. Until God, fate, the universe grants me that person I will be fine being alone, thanks.
