Figure out what I want

During my I.M. class yester-morning, I finally decided my major: Public History at Concordia University. It feels great knowing what I want.

Ive been changing myself these past couple of months and Ive realizing that the more you know who you are the more you realize what you want. Im still in the midst of changing who I am to who I want to become but the road towards what I want is becoming clearer than ever. I just hope there arent as many bumps in the road as in the past.

I dont want to a live perfect life. I want to live a fun life full of happiness, even if it comes with its moments of sadness. I dont want to always have to do the right thing. Somestimes, I would want to do the wrong thing and enjoy the moment of what it is instead of worrying whats going to happen afterwards with all the consequences… <3

I thought I wanted this guy. I thought I wanted him in my life. But the more I think about it, I dont want him in my life. I want love that is simple. I dont want the drama, I dont want the games, I dont want the jealousy factor. I want the passion without the hard stuff. I dont want it to be continuous fight just to get together. I dont want to date him behind my friends’ backs, I want someone I can love and not have to worry about. Thats what I want.

Ive been trying to think of what I want… But really want do I want? what do I need? I want to fall in love. I want to have someone there for me… someone who is able to let me take down all my guards and be vunderable without being scared of being hurt. I want to figure out what I want to study in university after I graduate CEGEP. I want to figure out where I want to go for university. I want to figure out what I wish to intend to do with the rest of my life. I want to be able to make a decision without flip-flopping back and forth from choice to choice or looking back and regretting it. I want to no longer live in the past nor the future but the present. I want to realize and accept that sometimes what we want isnt always what we need to make us happy. Thats what I want.