Does anyone actually believe that, or manage to live that way? It strikes me a somehow self centered to not be overly concerned with the passing judgment of others. Sometimes. Maybe your own opinion ought to matter most, but our world is, well, global, and I like wasting time wondering what other people are thinking…
But I also like to sit down and stare at obstacles, so let’s move on and look at progress in the past year:
(1.) Moved my ass back to San Francisco and (2.) got a job that pushed me way, way out of my comfort zone. Kept it and (3.) found out I could be pretty good.(4.) Found out that I’m at least moderately attractive and skanked around until I got used to the idea and realized that self love and skanking are quite opposed. (5.) Girlfriend. Most adorable, generous, kindhearted, down to earth creature I’ve ever encounter and how can this happen to me unless I’m on some level a good, decent, attractive person? (6.) Enjoying running around the city on my own, treating myself to coffee/cigarette/nosh. (7.) Developed a sense of self worth not related to family, friends, job, or school. (8.) Etc, save it for later…
Regardless, my self confidence is nowhere to be seen. I quit my old job and can’t even put myself out there right now to look for a new one. But… this time a year ago I wanted to die. I used to think daily that it would be so, so much more pleasant to just not exist. And compared to that, I’m some kind of okay.
