grow closer to God

But I really learnt alot at the Youth Camp we had this past week. It made me realise just how self-centered and angry I have become. Yeah my life sucks, and the world is a horrid place but I need to rise above all that. It’s all about choice. I want to be different for God. My faith has been hectically tested this week, so much so that I feel near the edge, yet at the same time I know He’s right there to catch me if I fall =) It’s just scary that the minute I decide to change, that very same day I come home to find that the one thing that gets me down the most has happened. Again. So now I have a challenge, to work through this without hurting anyone. And without wanting to. Because it’s just so easy to remain angry and hurt instead of pulling yourself together, forgiving those that hurt you, and moving on with your life. Trust me I know. But I have learnt so much in the past while that has caused me to realise how insignificant our lives on this earth are. It’s just the blinking of an eye. Who cares how many clothes I have, who I have in my life, or even how I look? These things strictly speaking don’t actually matter, although we would like to convince ourselves that they are imperative. All that should matter is God and whether I am doing my utmost to live for Him, and love others enough to care about their walk. God is enough. He is good. He will take care of me.

well, we had a sermon about 2 or 3 weeks ago about sin. and for some strange, strange reason it really hit me. hard. i guess i have been trying to be good enough for God, and then beating myself up and ignoring God when i fail, not realising that we are saved by God’s grace; and only grace. and i had also been trying to substitute God’s perfect love with love from guys. and i have realised now that the only place that i am gonna find that inner peace is by losing my pride, accepting God’s amazing love and awesome power, authority and mercy and rest in the assurance of that. now, i actually WANT to do the right thing. cos now i am doing it out of GRATTITUDE as opposed to trying to earn God’s love, which is impossible to do. He has blessed me SO much, more than i could ever thank Him for. He has given me the most AMAZING bunch of frenz, and i love them all to pieces! although they have let me down sometimes as all people do, they have done nothing but love and support me. and i will be forever indebted to them =) He has given me hope, dreams, and endless possibilities, a totally freakin great family who loves and accepts me for who i am!! no matter what they have stuck by me! and the greatest blessing of all? JESUS of course!! i LOVE HIM!!