finish college

some day… I’ve already taken a full year off. I havent even filled out the fafsa or requested readmission for fall. Sigh…maybe spring…

So, I failed ANOTHER class. Someone remind me why I didn’t take time off from school… Will I ever graduate? Who knows?!?

I’ll be taking 5 classes. 6 if I get permission to add another one that I NEED. But with my luck I wont… then come february I’m taking 2 to 3 classes at a local community college. I’ll probably have to go to summer school as well, and I’ll be lucky (1) if I live long enough to finish and (2) if I can graduate by december.

SIgh

I failed my bible class. Failed as in got a big fat F. I’ve never failed a class before in my life. I’ve never gotten a D before.

I am never going to graduate.

Trudging through senior year. My classes are boring, I have too much free time. My grades suck….I have an online class that I havent done a lick of work in yet. And I think the midterm is next week.

I have 8 classes to squeeze into one semester if I want to graduate on time. 9 if I fail this online class.

Yay.

I’m back in school

:-/

I feel really bad about this one. I mean, not about the goal in itself, but about my lack of attention to fleshing out my thoughts on it. This was one of the first goals I added to my list when I joined 43Things. As many of us who are frequent users of the site may have experienced, sometimes our relationship with certain people goes beyond cheering each other and leaving the occasional comment. There are people from 43T who I have exchanged emails with outside the site. One of the first people to take the time to email me was StarriseAwakening and I feel really bad about never responding to that particular email. (The comments that follow aren’t in reference to her, they are my general feelings on the whole situation)

This whole college thing has just ben a nightmare, and also a nightmare that’s hard to explain to people. And sometimes I don’t want to – not because I don’t want people to understand, but because I think they might not understand after I explain, and that’s what makes it even harder. It’s much easier for me to understand why people don’t understand the changes I’m trying to make when I don’t explain anything to them. But I think once I explain my feelings, what my plans are, what I want to do, and then people still don’t get it – that’s when things get frustrating and that’s when I start to doubt myself. That’s one of the major reasons I get really uncomfortable when people question me about it.

This is unfortunate because I do want people’s insights and opinions on the situation. I really do. But the whole situation makes me really tired and I just got really fed up with it.

So anyway, all that to say, that it’s 95% certain that I won’t be returning to my university this year. I do want to finish college though, and if it’s possible, I want to continue to take courses (someplace else) until I’m fully immersed in another program.

sadness

Well, I finished another year of college. I didn’t finish well. Hey! I’m just being honest. I can say that it’s a great relief to be done.

I wrote about a book that I’m reading called “First Things First.” Well, on this day, Cinco de Mayo of 2005, my handy dandy book says

Life is learning – from our mistakes as well as our successes. “The only real mistake in life,” said one, “is the mistake not learned from.”

Well, let me tell you…this whole college experience has been one giant mistake and a mistake that I am trying very hard to learn from.

I’m rapidly trying to set up some sort of plan for the upcoming months. I really don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do, but can I do it? Mmmmm, probably not. But hey, you never know. Life dishes out all sort of suprises. I’m working on it.

But the semester is over and that’s all that really matters at this point. Yay!

I’m currently a junior in college. One year to go….if I go to summer school, which is a trial in and of itself to figure out right now. I hate my school, and my life here at this school, which is what my major life roadblock is right now. I’d love to transfer, but I’m almost guaranteed to spend more time in school if I do. I really just want to finish!

Right now I’m weighing the options and trying to figure out what’s more important to me right now…finishing on time, or leaving and possibly enjoying some of my college experience