be more confident

I inquired about an event a couple of weeks ago. I just wanted to attend. It was a women’s business networking thing. When they called back to give me more info, they asked me to speak at the event! Crazy. I didn’t give myself much time to think about it, so I just said “yes!”

I didn’t give it much thought until this weekend…then I started to get nervous. It actually went well. I gave out my card to several people, asked questions, and the woman who runs the event is the publisher of the magazine who sponsors it(its a local magazine) asked me to write something for the publication. Woohoo! If you want to read more, I blogged about it:
http://www.cogentdiversion.com/index.php/2007/09/10/i_am_so_proud_of_myself

it’s kind of silly. I don’t usually put silly things up. Most people would prefer to put the silly ones up. I on the other hand…well, I am just strange.

I really need to work on my confidence and I’m not sure quite how to do it

Other than in job interviews, I have absolutely no confidence anymore.

Anyone got any tips or suggestions?

the first thing out of a customers mouth today was “that color looks amazing on you.” that made me feel good. I should wear that jacket everyday until I die. ha ha ho ho hee hee

For some strange reason, up until this day, ever job I interview for, I’ve been offered (not every job I submit my resume for do I get to inerview for, mind you). So, I have confidence in my interview skills.

But that’s about it. I don’t have confidence in any other area of my life.

Gotta work on that.

I didn’t dance during the free for all before our diversity workshop today. i was chosen to go into the center (we each took a turn) and then I just kind of stood there. Caitlynn came up and grabbed me by the hands and we spun in a circle. And then I gave her a hug.

I didn’t sing during Karaoke tonight. I have stage fright.

i’m so weird.

...I want to see The Faint in concert before I leave L.A. Ive put off buying tickets because none of my friends like them, which means I’ll go alone. ive been to concerts alone, no big deal…but I heard that people dance at their shows – which is fun. But, Im kind of a nerd as it is, and I know I’ll feel like a moron dancing by myself. But why? Theres no good reason – I should just buy a ticket and go!

But I keep hesitating. Soon, there wont be tickets left to purchase!

I get really frustrated. My life is simply just not as good as it could be right now. Not even close. What makes it even harder is the feeling of being judged for every decision I make. I’m not asking people to agree with me about everything all the time. I’m doing the best that I can. I’m trying to start each day with a positive attitude, I’m trying not to squander my free time, I’m trying to meet new people…but due to people judging me in the past, I feel like I keep a lot of my current life a secret because I just don’t want to deal with people.

But, I want to be more confident about my decisions. I want to make my decisions, hold my chin up, and stop wanting to hide under my blankets for fear of being found out every time I do something wrong (which is often)