figure out where home is

and I’ve been here about 7 months.

there’s something (that I won’t get into on this public forum) that keeps me feeling slightly uneasy and a little unsettled…like I don’t know what will happen next.

L.A., my home sweet home, is really proving a tough place to make real friends…and it’s hard (for me anyway), to feel at home with a severe lack of friends and support.

After a long day of being in other people’s homes, I must admit that every now and then, I come home and when I walk in the door, its just nice to be in my own space.

So, I guess that’s something….but not really what I am looking for.

Maybe I waited to long to make my current place really seem like home. So when I bought that desk and coffee table and then found out a week later that I need to move. Not fun.

So, I will be downsizing for this move. A LOT. But I’m looking at this move as a time to start fresh and really create a feel in my place that I will be calming and peaceful. I also want it to be an environment that I can be comfortable in.

Sigh, just when some things start to go well, something else has to happen!

I was checking my email today, doing my normal routine of jumping from account to account when I get an email from my housemate/landlady. I was informed that her neice and nephew are moving into the house and so I have 30 days to move out. Lovely. I recently bought a couple of pieces of furniture and was trying to be intentional about really turning my space into a home. But now I have to pack up and move out – not to mention find a whole new place to live!!

I’m bummed about this. I loved this place and it was perfect for me. private entrance, my own bathroom, floor to ceiling bookshelves. Sigh. Hopefully I will find something just as good or better.

We’ll see…

Well, I still can’t figure this one out to any deeper level than “Los Angeles” – but maybe that’s okay for now.

...being here has made me so so so so very sure, that (at least geographically) Los Angeles is definitely home. I still am searching to figure out what my home is more specifically. But maybe it doesnt need to get more specific than that.

For a while now, I’ve felt like one of those people with no home. I mean, I have places to live – my mom’s place and my place at school, yet I don’t really feel like I can call any place “home.”

Sure, I say “I’m going home now.” or “I’ll call you when I get home.” But it’s just kind of a label.

To use the well known phrase – “home is where the heart is” – sometimes I get so frustrated and restless, I feel like I’m missing my heart. Like it’s out there somewhere (who knows where!) and I have to go find it. But I don’t even know where to look!