save my marriage, communicate effectively

I’m reaching the end of my rope with this relationship. I can’t take the inequity in the amount of work that gets done around here, the coldness, the misunderstanding, etc. I’ve been married for 16 years and we’ve know each other for several more, and our relationship has always been on and off, hot and cold – more cold in recent years. She is beatiful, but doesn’t care about taking care of herself. I work fulltime, take care of house work, home improvement, 300 plus hours of overtime, time with the kids, not many ‘toys’ for a guy my age, and she just reads, sitting around the house, working a part time job at the school my kids go to (20 hours a week) house work barely gets done, kids without clean clothes, dirty kitchen most times, not understanding for my stress at work supervising several people in a busy government job, poor to no sex life, for which I initiate…..etc. Poor me right?