reach my goal weight

I feel like the scale and I are arch nemeses. I have literally started to think of it as this creature that is against me, that sets out every day to foil my success and happiness. Every morning when I pull it out, I have this moment where I’m like, “Alright scale, you sonofabitch, are you going to cause trouble today??” And indeed it does, because I have been ridiculously good on my diet and every day the same damn number stares me back in the face. 127.0. It’s so final, there’s no jaunty swaying back and forth like an analog scale. “HEY KATE!! Maybe you’re 128…or maybe you’re 126, but who cares?” My new digital scale is incredibly stern-faced and unforgiving. “NO. You’re 127.0. Get used to it.”

I’ve been 127.0 for two days. Before that, I spent three days at 127.2. Now, when you’re stuffing your face with bland chicken and vegetables, passing up every sweet treat that comes your way, just saying no to bread and salty snacks, that’s a painful feeling. The problem with getting on the scale and weighing 127.0 AGAIN is that it’s an excruciating and interminable 24 hours until I get back on the scale and try to beat my score. So I just have to bide my time throughout the day, waiting impatiently for my chance at a rematch between me and the scale, during which time it’s sitting there in the bathroom probably laughing a very sinister laugh at me.

You may have won this round, Mr. Scale, but I’ll be back tomorrow.

I’ve taken a different approach to losing weight and am back on track now with 13 more pounds to lose.

One thing I always forget about dieting is what a big difference a few pounds makes on both my body and mind. I’m only down a few pounds, but my clothes are fitting a bit better already, and I’ve stopped feeling like such a slob.

The downside is how slowly the days seem to go when I’m dieting.

I’m down about 4 pounds or so now. 14 pounds left to goal!

Dare I say, I think I’m ready to lose weight. I feel like something has clicked, and I’m ready to make the sacrifice involved in dieting. I’m psyching myself up to start eating lots of chicken and rice, and hitting the gym more. It probably has something to do with the beautiful weather this past weekend, and how I was completely not ready to bare any part of myself. I need to do some pilates and get toned, because every part of me is seriously gross at this point. Today is April 20th, and Greg and I are probably going down the shore 4th of July weekend, so that gives me plenty of time to lose 20lbs and tone up. The other thing I keep trying to remember is how at the moment, I hate myself, but even just 5 pounds from now, I’ll feel sooooo much better and in control. Not to mention, the thinner I feel the less into food I feel, as opposed to when I’m fat as a house and I can’t bear the thought of anything but eating more more more. So 110, here I come!

Ok, so 30 came and went and I still haven’t reached my goal weight. And now that it’s holiday time, I’ve crept up quite a bit. Still, it’s never too late, and once January rolls around I plan to start hitting the gym and eating better.

On November 6th, I will turn 30 years old and will have never been my ideal weight. I need to make this happen, I can make this happen, and I WILL make this happen!

Damn, I think I already screwed myself. I wasn’t as bad as I could have been this evening, but I did eat an entire plate of hummus and pita (which, while relatively healthy, is still just a heap of carbs) and a whole lotta beer. I’m a little afraid to get on the scale in the morning. Not to mention I have a bridal shower at an italian restaurant tomorrow, and I have a feeling that I’m going to have a choice of pasta, pasta, pasta or pasta.

My entire life I’ve been overweight. I tend to go through a yearly yo-yo, slim down for summer, bulk up in winter. I’m going to turn 30 this year and I’ve never actually reached my goal weight, although I’ve come close. In my head 110 sounds like a healthy weight for me, since I’m very short, although we’ll see once I get closer whether I think that’s too skinny, but I doubt it.