I’m having a bad day. I just feel overwhelmed, run down, unattractive, friendless, old, and going nowhere. Work is just so busy lately, I’d give anything for a day off. Even worse is that feeling I get when the weather turns warm, like I just can’t face another summer wasting away at a desk breathing artificial air.
My job is sort of getting to me. Not because of being busy, although that’s part if it – my company tends to be split between people who work nonstop until 7 every night and people that don’t seem to have any discernible workload, and I unfortunately am in the former category. But really I’m losing my interest in the web and technology. I’m expected to chime in about new functionality and web standards and blah blah blah, and I just don’t care anymore.
Overall I tend to have this feeling of panic about technological progression and general consumerism. Don’t get me wrong, I love the internet, I like neat gadgets, but where does it end? Everything is always being forced to progress – companies have to make more and more profit, sell more shit to more people who don’t need it and can’t afford it, come up with new ways to distract people from interacting with the world on a real level, and push the competition out of the picture. There’s never a moment where anyone says, “This is good, we’re at a good spot right now, let’s just sit back and enjoy.”
The nature of my job is that I’m expected to be thinking of the next big thing that’s going to increase profits, keeping up with changing web technology, being in love with the brand. It’s not really acceptable to just do a good day’s work so you can get paid and go do something fun at the end of the day. Time off is sort of frowned upon here, just like actually taking a lunch break or leaving before 6pm. Half the time taking any time off is barely worth it because of the stress of getting everything ready before you leave and then catching up when you get back, and the chances are pretty good that I’ll get any number of panicked phone calls while I’m away.
Is it so wrong of me to want to live a life of leisure, or to admit that I enjoy my time away more than my time at work? I’d really love to have some sort of job where I’m actually doing something meaningful, or at the very least at the end of the day have something to show for it. I’m not afraid of hard work, just pointless hard work.