I learned this the hard way—in court. The less you say, the better off you are, whether you are the plaintiff or the defendent. It is important to be very calm, clear and concise, especially when you are speaking with an opponent and in professional settings.
I have been misquoted at times by opponents attepmting to downplay the weakness of their own arguments. Unfortunately, the strategy of misquoting others can prove quite effective. If you don’t respond, it may appear that you concur. If you respond incorrectly, it may appear that you are stooping to their level. I would much rather my opponent say something vague like, “She did not contribute to the discussion!” or “She’s hard to read!” than for them to misquote me. Witnesses usually don’t seem to remember, or don’t want to get involved, so I am working on being a better speaker—being emotionless (putting on my best poker face) and succinct. I also need to work on giving up the oh-so-important last word.
I also find written word to be much more powerful than spoken word. Putting my thoughts in writing forces me to think the situation through, include all important details, and consider my argument through the eyes of the intended audience.
Lately I’ve been doing something very theraputic. It’s similar to a Sharpie Marker ad I have seen. The commercial shows someone formally writing a resignation letter. The person becomes frustrated, grabs a colored Sharpie, and scribbles “I QUIT” right over the formal letter.
Well, what I do is sort of the reverse. While I am still experiencing emotions, I help myself cool down by writing what I REALLY want to say, including the good, the bad, and the ugly (mostly the bad and the ugly). Re-reading that usually makes me feel substantially better. It can also be quite entertaining!
Then, I am able to write a pithy letter to actually send or to use as notes during an important meeting.
Usually in the response letter, or during the important meeting, I find that my opponent is still emotional, is less prepared, and winds up digging his or her own grave. No need for revenge.
