There are 2 different areas that I am having problems with:
1) keeping in touch with old friends- I’ve actually made quite big strides in this over the past while. I’ve had really great long e-mail conversations with friends who I don’t see often and have learned so much more about them! Plus, it’s always a treat to have an email pop up in my inbox when it’s least expected.
There is one friend in particular who I keep telling myself I’ll call, because she doesn’t live too far away from me. we keep trying to make plans but it never works out and our communiation ceases from there. I haven’t even wished her a happy birthday and it was almost 2 months ago. I went from potentially getting together with her to wish her in person, then that not working out, then stalling to find another way to see her in person, then realizing it’s too late anyway and I’d feel awful about it… but I feel horrible now since nothing has been said.
so basically, to accomplish this “half” of my goal, I will choose 3 friends who I have not been keeping in contact with and would very much like to, and write them long, thoughtful e-mails. Hopefully they’ll write back when they have time and we’ll go from there.
2) being there for my friends who I do see often- I’ve never been an overly touchy-feely empathetic person growing up. I feel for people in their times of need, but often don’t know exactly how to translate these feelings into caring actions. I’m a good listener but don’t know how to ask people to tell me what’s on their mind. When one friend was going through tough times in her life, I felt for them but didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing and in retrospect, may have seemed uncaring.
Another aspect of this is selfishness. I’ve always been raised to put myself first- only once I’m in a healthy state of mind, I can better help others. I have no problems asking people to stop bugging me when I need to get work done. Obviously, problems arise in the timing of these two things. Usually, I let myself win out.
As for how I’m going to work on this aspect, I have no clue. any advice? I’ve added “be less selfish” as a goal, but I’m not thinking of any tangible ways to do this and apply it to being a better friend in times of need.
whew, that was a long one! thanks for reading.
