fall in love again, and, for a change, actually be loved back, while I'm at that

No news since friday. I don’t miss them nor him…
End of the story for me. I don’t think he’s going to call again. I don’t regret all this, it was somehow an interesting experience, and a first step to this goal.

He called at the end of the afternoon to arrange a rendez-vous somewhere in between Calais and Dunkerque… And I went, intending to talk to him and clear a few points, but it ended in a dark parking lot and him getting the only thing he was there for… I don’t ask for a big romantic story, but I need a relation that offers other pleasures to share than just sex : going to the restaurant, seeing a film together, plain and simple tenderness, laughs… otherwise I won’t get amused very longer by the present situation.

*too much sunflower oil, I guess ;-)

Tant pis pour lui !
(dear Marie, queen of the translators, how do you say that in english please ?)

it looks less and less like a love affair… Last time he talked about seing each other on friday, but no news, and I can’t join him on the phone. He’s supposed to be in Paris today. I left a message saying that I’d like him calling today to talk about tomorrow, otherwise I would organize my evening without him. I don’t want to repeat what was happening with M., me waiting at home when I knew there was a little chance that he could come and him not even calling that he wouldn’t… So if Didier can’t find time to call me today, I won’t have time for him tomorrow…

My sister in law said when we chose my new glasses together that all men would be at my knees with them… well seems it works !
On saturday I went to Emmaus to buy cheap used books and the guy who sells them started to ask me personal questions and wanted my phone number…
Today a guy stopped his car and asked me for a street direction (he was looking for a street that doesn’t seem to exist in this town, I wonder if it’s a trick…) and we talked and joked a little, then he asked me if we could meet later, which we did, first having a drink and then going to see the sunset on the cliff (and not seeing a lot of it, in fact).
I’m not sure at all what I’m feeling. I’m not even sure he really attracts me, or if it’s the fact that he’s interested in me that does. He’s nice, average-looking. We’re supposed to meet tomorrow or on friday, depending on what hour I come back from Arras tomorrow.

I KNOW that he’s not the only man on earth.
I KNOW that I deserve love and respect.

Now I have to FEEL it… how can I hope that someone would love me if I’m not able to love myself ?