take better care of my diabetes

It seems related to all the “him-related” things. I’ll start again this morning.

now I have to phone to the hospital to take an appointment with the specialized nurse to have her help me with the insulin doses.

I’m on a 10 days holiday now. Good moment to take back the control. I’m starting to adapt the doses, added 2 units of lantus this morning. I don’t like when I have to increase the dose. I feel like I failed when I do. But I don’t want negative thoughts anymore. I can’t make my diabetes disappear. But I can cope with it. And I’ll do. With a little help from my friends
:-)

I was over 3,20 g yesterday at bedtime…
I felt hypoglycemia tonight and was at 0,96 g, which means I’ve been in hyperglycemia for a long time. Of course I knew it. But now, I know it ! I mean I can’t pretend. Why do I do such stupid things ? I know what the consequences are. I know I’m hurting myself. So why ?
I hope the shock of these numbers will help me to find the strengh to cope with that.

Well, in fact no, I just kept telling I was so tired, and he got me saying that it surely was because of diabetes through a few questions…
So here’s what we decided : since I can’t manage to control my glycemia regularly by myself, I’ll show him my result next week. So I have to do the tests and to write down the results. I know of course that control is the only way to equilibrate my glycemia, and that I would feel better. My doctor stopped asking me for regular results, my mother too, and I’m so lonely… and have so many problems to cope with by myself. So it can sound childish, but I really think that it will help if someone else cares for my diabetes.
I’m starting tonight !

Somewhere I’m still the little neglected (?) girl that has been slowly taught that she didn’t deserve interest… That little girl in me thinks that she doesn’t deserve that someone takes care of her, not even herself…

I had an appointment with my diabetolog. I didn’t go. I know my results aren’t good. I don’t think a new amount of culpabilizing sentences would have done any good to my mental health, nor to my diabetes. Perhaps it sounds like cowardness, but I already know very well what she would have said to me : control regularly, loose weight, eat less, exercise more… So easy to say. I didn’t feel like going, so I didn’t go.

Now I have to find a leaflet and write down the numbers on it, to have a better management of the insulin doses.
Glycemia was good this morning. Had an hypo at 5.30

and tested.
2,30g… argh

find where on hell I’ve put the damned glycemia testing machine !