There are now less than 2 weeks before I make the move to New York to study.
I have this fear of leaving everyone for so long, I feel insecure that I don’t have a place to stay yet, despite my best efforts to find one (though I have had a few possibilities), I’m worried about my health (my last diabetes blood test was worse than the one before despite taking more insulin since then), I’m worried about not having a familiar shoulder to cry on through all this, I’m worried about starting study again after a few years away from it, I’m worried about flying with all the extra security measures at airports over the last few weeks, I’m worried about worrying lol.
I don’t know how long it will be before the butterflies in my stomach settle down to their normal levels, but I hope it’s not too much longer. It’s affecting the quality of my sleep, and I have to stop myself from snapping at people who say well meaning things like ‘gee, finding housing would have been the first thing I would have done’ (when I have tried hard to find it, right from the start).
I have tried all kinds of mind focussing things like relaxation tapes and herbal tea and exercise, spending quality time with family and friends, talking to anybody and everybody, and what have you, but they don’t really work on this kind of anxiety for me. Perhaps they help though. I might try to get counselling though, because anything that might help is worth trying :)
I think that partly the anxiety is just something I am going to have to live with, because I know it’s mostly just about the changes going on in my life at the moment. Most people worry when something big is happening to them, and sometimes that worry can actually help them in some ways.
I have a habit of being a bit ahead of the times with anxiety – by this I mean I worry about things long before they happen, and by the time it comes I am calmer than anyone else because I have planned for any eventuality already.
Despite all this though, I have faith that it will work out in the end.