let go of my anger

saw the X last night for the first time in several months. boy did that not go well. and boy howdy, did that totally set me off. not at her, but after i left i totally vented to all my friends after a few round of drinks. so ya, that set me back a couple of steps. i’m okay today. talking to my friends help. just goes to show i still gots a long way to go.

slight relapse these past couple of days. just can’t seem to get things out of my mind. and all the meditation seems to not be helping cause i find myself not being able to concentrate. and i’m fixating on certain things. it’s not so bad as before but, it just kind of gets to me that i can’t concentrate on anything, and i let these angry thoughts invade my mind. i’m still trying.

i read the the Dalai Lama’s book, An Open Heart: Practicing Compassion in Everyday Life while on my soslo trip to spain. it totally openned my mind to things i was doing wrong, and made me understand a bit better about my lack of seeing other peoples point of views. i practiced alot of analytical meditation while on my trip and i found that it started to become second nature for me to let go of these unhealthy feelings when ever i found myself in a situation that i would normally be angry about. and i would realize that there was no reason at all fo me to be so angry. i don’t know if i’m explaining it right, but i just found it surpirsing ly easy how easy it was to not let things get to me. and i wonder why i never saw it before. it made me very happy indeed.

i let someone very good get away because of it. i makes me sad. i can only learn from it now. that’s all i have left.

it destroyed my last realtionship. and i feel so awful for it, and regret it every single day since the break up. but i’m starting to learn . . . and hopefully grow.