My awards ceremony for my Master’s program was yesterday afternoon, just before graduation. And I RSVP’d, and invited my cooperating teacher as well, and went.
And then I sat there, extremely upset that I wasn’t getting any of the awards. I worked my butt off, got two B’s my first semester, and as a result did not have a 4.0 and did not get any awards. The two girls who were loved by all the teachers and were given A’s in some classes that were hard (that’s the jealousy talkin’ – they are actually quite brilliant) got the awards for outstanding students.
And then – I had a REALLY high praxis II score, but someone else beat me by just a few points – and she got an award for that too! (She was one of the 4.0’s).
Oh – and they actually gave away a book lover’s award – for the student who most loved books. Um – the people who gave that award away were never my professors, cause I kept getting the adjuncts for some reason. . . and so they didn’t pick me. Who could love books MORE than me? I go to the library weekly, I buy books off Amazon.com more often than I buy food (when I have an income), I read over 100 books last year, will probably read as many this year, took all of my electives in the program in literacy courses. . . heck – I’ve even WRITTEN a book (thank you, NaNoWriMo!)
So I was sitting there, regretting even having shown up. . . and then I realized how stupid I was being. We can’t all win awards, because then they wouldn’t mean anything. And I don’t have to be the winner – I just have to respect and love myself for having done MY best.
I got a good GPA (much higher than my undergrad), I worked my butt off (unlike in undergrad – I actually DID the readings), and I actually completed the degree. AND I got a job – even before graduation!
I have to be proud of myself for what I’ve done, and not judge myself by what others have done.
