Because left to my own devices I am an inveterate liar. I am an alcoholic. Lying is what we do — to our loved ones, our enemies, our bosses, and ourselves.
Especially ourselves.
I got so good at the lies that I believed the lies and built up a philosophical argument — there is no such thing as truth, only the agreed upon version of events. This may be fine on matters where the truth is not ascertainble, like in a court trial where there are two versions of events. But it is absolutely not fine when trying to explain why I can’t pay my phone bill.
I know why, and the reason I gave is not really it.
Honesty is so important to a program of recovery that in the first paragraph of the chapter called “How it works,” in which the twelve steps are introduced for the first time, that the word appears three times:
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Honesty with myself is necessary to stay sober— my doc diagnosed me as an alcoholic two years before I got into the program, because I effectively convinced myself that I wasn’t a drunk. Why do you think we introduce ourselves at meetings by saying, “Hi, I’m Charlie and I’m an alcoholic”? For many of us, that sentence was the first true thing uttered.
Honesty with others is also necessary to stay sober, because sobriety requires us to develop spiritually, emotionally, and mentally; and to clean up the messes I’ve made.
The messes I’ve made are legion.
So I will be honest, because I have no choice.
