admit what I really want

well its kinda stupid and very simple but right now all i want is for her to comment on my status sayin yea, your right…yeah simple..but she’s the one that has to do it

i kinda wish i had someone that knew me really well…idk i kinda want someone to take the time to really know me but that’s also a two ways street obviously meaning im not taking the time to really get to know people and ya…i always sucked at that, guess thats what i get eh? well definitely something i need to work on cause iv been feeling real shitty lately but dont have anyone i can really go to…so, we’ll so how stuff goes

well to be honest what i want right now is for my life to not be so complicated, im pretty sure to most people it isnt but for the most part its never really been complicated all i had to do was live, try and be happy but now its harder to do those things well i mean with me being a senior and such i gotta figure out wht the bloody hell im gonna do with my life and thought i was on top of it but im not.

As for being happy well for the most part i am but wow yea, its much harder when part of your happiness is tied to another person and they can make you feel so much better like your ontop of the world but can instantly make you feel the exact opposite not that thats happend, well not purposely and not to a great extent but im kinda affraid of it happening…well thats the curse of hearting someone, but its more than worth it i think and i know she’d never do that with any intent behind it so….yea but theres an elegance in simplicity and i want to live it XD

i acctually have something to lose, its the most scary exciting feeling in the world. if i dont do this right i will lose it all. i will be right where i started, but i wont. i wont screw up. Ive got too much to lose…

so im in arizona for a week and well im gonna be honest i kinda really miss claudia. i mean dang, im thinking bout here alot and yea…kinda wish i coulda spent halloween with here back in michigan instead of visiting the fam, woulda been way more fun too =P. but ya… got three more days til i go back home. dont get me wrong arizonas a cool state and all but i kinda wanna go back home so i can see claudia along with all my friends but mostly her.

i just got ungrounded and she’s grounded for one week then we can finally hangout ya.

This may confused you, but this is the only way to start it, a jarring comment made from the heart. let me explain and I think you’ll find that the words that hurt may come to soothe you, the words that cut deep will mend and enrich your heart. I don’t need you. I truly dont need you. I could live my life without you, but I dont want to. I dont have to have you in my life but I want to have you, I want to go through the good times and the bad times with you. I want you by my side always loving me the way you do, and I loving you. I dont know what id do without you by me making me smile making my days so much better than my best days without you in them.

I dont need you, but I want you want you to tell me your problems so we can solve them together, want you to lay next to me as I tell you of my childhood or just talk sweetly to each other like love drunk puppies. I want you to tell me what you dont love about me as I tell you that theres nothing I dont love about you. I want you to look at me with that sparkle in your eyes and not say a word but tell me everything in that one look. Want you to come over just to be near me because just being there makes things better.

No, I dont need you. Dont need you by my side to be there to help me through pain and be there to make my waking moments better. I want you there. And thats something better than needing someone, wanting them. Wanting them with all your heart and soul to be there, with you always your guiding light.

p.s i have no idea where this came from i just wrote it =P

well i saw this adn thought its a really good goal to have!!and you know what im gonna be honest id like to have a goal thats reletivly easy to complete cause right now ive only comppleted four goals and its like wow i need to work on that so i think i need to make some frebees take more pictures would be easy but i dont have a camera (hopefully il get one for christmas!! il have to find some good ones to do =D