be happy

If anyone would be willing to talk to me, please send me a message. I really need a friend, or just someone to talk to once in a while. I have no friends and it’s really hard to be happy without any.

We’ve been dating for 10 months and I just met his parents yesterday. I was very nervous but it ended up being a lot of fun and I like them so much! I just hope they like me even though I have social anxiety and had a difficult time talking with them. Things are very serious with the boyfriend and I am very hopeful and confident about our relationship. This makes me immensely happy.

I made the mistake of viewing girls’ profiles on myspace and facebook that I used to be jealous of in high school. They’re all so beautiful and have their lives together, I’m so jealous. Pretty much all of them have kids or are pregnant though, and I am jealous because my baby is 2 now. :( At the same time I can’t help but laugh since they are having kids while they’re teenagers. (I’m a hypocrite but it’s funny because now they can’t make fun of me for it!) But at the same time, at least they have jobs and are in college while I can’t find a job and am unable to start college until I can get money. :(
I’m so depressed.

And like a failure. It’s a shame because it took me all year to get to the point I was at, and just a couple of things took it all away at the snap of a finger, and now I will have to work for another year to be happier again.

i’m SO much happier than ive been for a very long time. i still have some issues and things i want to be over, things i want to happen. but for the most part i would say im happy. i really love life right now. :) i’m still going to wait a little bit to mark this as done, though.

I feel like I am falling back into depression, falling hard. I seriously hate every aspect of my life right now. I thought I was happy but then something shitty happens and it reminds me how much my life sucks and how much I’m not happy. I have 0 friends, I have absolutely nobody. I have no job and no license because my parents won’t help me get it. They would rather pay for everything with my son just so I can stay couped up inside and they won’t have to help me. They don’t want us ever moving out because they love having him here, so they are completely selfish. My stupid ex stopped paying me because he hates my dad so now I have to actually let my parents pay for stuff, and I hate it. It gives them power over me and something to hold against me forever until I pay them back. Nobody understands, I probably just sound like some spoiled ungrateful brat but that’s not it at all. I’m sooo grateful for everything my parents do for me, but if you could see what goes on and just how it is you might understand. They keep me from having friends, they have my whole life. My mom is a huge, selfish, annoying, negative bitch and always brings me down. My dad isn’t so bad, other than the fact that me told me if i ever see my ex again he is kicking me out for good. What a great grandfather to kick his daughter and only grandchild out on the streets, eh? Everyone thinks I’m lazy for not having a job and living off my parents, trust me, if I had anywhere else to go and could GET A JOB I would. I have been trying since the day I came back home over a year ago. They don’t WANT me to have one. They’ve said it a billion times. They don’t want me to live my life and guess what? They accomplished it. I have no life and I hate everything about myself and I feel like the only reason I am here is because God wants other people to look at me and my life and be grateful for what they have and grateful they’re not living and not like me. I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m just venting here because I have no friends or anybody else to turn to. It’s so unfair I got left with a shitty life. My ugliness sure doesn’t help, I’ll never get another boyfriend because of it. I always knew I was destined to be alone.
I sound so emo and ridiculous. But I just had to get it out and it felt good. I still feel shitty though.

I’m not depressed, I am pretty happy with a lot of aspects in my life. But there are a lot I’m not happy about, too. I’ve learned to accept a lot of things, but I’m not happy about them.

It’s just hard to be entirely happy when you’ve always had people bringing you down, talking shit to you, and when you don’t have good friends. I have friends, but we don’t have enough in common so it gets boring or I get annoyed after a while.

I need to get out and meet people. but it’s hard with a son and nobody to watch him (unless my mom is off work) and no license.