detoxify my body and free myself of harmful chemicals

Its been suggested to me lately that fruit just is not what it seems, a bearer of Vitamin C enriched flavor and tasty nutrients, but instead keenly disguised insideous sugar water. Between my 100% cranberry juice and my Odwalla SuperGreen Drink I was misled down a path of elevated glucose and future diabetes. Damn that glucose, dammit all!
So I will make it a point to fish out all of that wicked wicked juice with some sort of plunger. as the advertisement reads:”death begins in the colon” Indeed! Those evil evil cranberries.

I just punctured and squeezed a tiny poison ivy or other plant related toxin out of my finger using a bent paperclip. Its still itchy as all hell though. I got sent home from work once because my boss thought the enormous poison oak pustules on my arm were too unpleassant to look at. Ok, nasty clear liquid coming out of the finger now. I’ve done this before. Now if I could only avoid catching it again.

I’ve been off meat for 3 weeks now. Horray for that. But there are so many supplements and herbs out there. I’ve heard horror stories about what hangs out in your “pipes”. I know some bacteria is “good bacteria” and I don’t want to strip mine my body either. My eating habits have always been abominable. So now do I focus on water? cranberry juice? prune juice? How do I know when I’m detoxified? Do I have to do this more than once? I don’t have the cash to throw around on crazy remedies and miracle cures. I just want a sensible approach to making my body healthier.