make healthy choices

has the flu shots for a very reasonable cost for those of us who are not insured. I usually do not get the shots each year but yesterday I was making calls and everywhere I went people were ill….sneezing, coughing, feeling under the weather.

So on my way home I popped into the clinic. They asked if I would be considered a high risk for H1N1 and I thought not but when they discovered my pulmonary problems they thought it best to get one of those too.

Better safe than sorry.

It is early in the season but the dread of the long dark gray days has made me SAD already. So today I went to find the things that will combat this disorder for me while I am here in the wilderness.

The people at GNC were very helpful…St John’s Wort, Vtamin D, Vitamin Bs, Fish Oil and lots of bright lighting will be beneficial in my recovery.

Always thought SAD was bunk until I moved here. I have been depressed now since the time change and it gets dark at 5 in the afternoon. The lack of sunshine definitely affects me!

is healthier than living in a past trying to fix things I had no control over. At first glance a bright person would say…well duh!

But this is what I have been doing day in & day out for almost 3 years now. It has been a viscious circle around the mountain that hasn’t solved a thing….my past is over….nothing will change it except maybe the novels I will write.

By this age I know all the plans in the world can make the path seem easy but life takes unexpected twists and turns which leads me to face the future with cautious expectations.

Thinking and fretting about it has caused me to miss out on the joys of the present…the present of this day to unwrap and enjoy. So I am taking a clue from the 12 step programs and starting to “live one day at a time” choosing my attitudes each day very carefully.

Maybe going back to Texas would not be best for me….maybe my friends are right when they say if I am busy my life will change for the better.

I have been giving alot of thought for the New Year and what direction to take.

When I was in Texas I had an hour and a half commute one way 5 days a week and hated the traffic, heat and concrete….I had forgotten that!

It was insane! It was for 2 years working for a mortgage company prior to finding my brain tumor so I chocked it up to mental instability.

I’m thinking if I actually remember my life in Texas minus my kiddos….it was not that healthy or great for me. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder…that maybe what happened in my mind.

I really am not that enthralled with the flat sprawling cities, the brown landscape, the heat and concrete…the traffic! It may be a nice place to visit but I don’t think I want to live there anymore.

I lost my health, my husband, my home there so the reality really is not that pleasant….probably the reason my sons want me to be happy here.

I have very nice friends and plenty of projects to keep me busy.
If I really wanted a new hubby I’m sure I would be married but I’m thinking an income would change my whole perspective on my life in the wilderness.

The reality is I am healthier and happier here than I was when I left the city.
If my life was so great there I would have never moved.

and pulmonary emboli I had a new appreciation of life. There were dreams and schemes of becoming more creative and leaving the serious decisions to others. I quickly fell back into my comfort zone where I was not recovering physically or emotionally from the trauma of the previous few years. People around me treated me with kid gloves for fear of what they had seen happen to me.

So I moved to the wilderness thinking a change of scenery would make my life healthier and happier. I didn’t know a soul so I could reinvent myself to be anyone I want to be.

It has taken me a couple of years to realize it was a good move for me to come to know who I have evolved into is as ok as anyone else.
I didn’t have to totally reinvent myself just enhance my true inner self.

One of the decisions I had made when I survived my near death experience was that I would be the fun loving, eccentric grandmama
to my grandchildren who they will remember their entire lives.

Being 2500 miles away I am wasting precious time without them. Better make some tracks in 2010 and connect to the things that are most important. :)

I am in my hometown (Missoula) for the week making sales calls for my new internet ad business promoting buying locally. The energy here is very high and positive compared to the negativity of where I actually live in the wilderness.

People are actually working, shopping and living…traffic is busy…the hotels are full of business people coming and going…totally recharging my batteries!

I grew up here so yesterday I drove down memory lane…even went to the cemetery to see my little brother and wish him Happy Birthday (Nov 21). I haven’t been there since he died in 2005. That was emotional but something I have needed to do for a long time.

If I don’t move home to Texas moving to my hometown may be just what the Doctor ordered for my full economic, mental and emotional recovery. :)

she was very, very good. But when she was bad she was horrid!
This nursery rhyme could have been written about me while the tumor kept growing in my brain.

I have been talking with my best friend in Texas about some things that are affecting her life the past few days. Yesterday she brought up how “crazy” I was before they found my brain tumor. It is humorous in hindsight but while we were experiencing the effects of the tumor it was terrifying for those around me. I was oblivious because I had no memories of acting up. The tumor was on the temporal lobe that affected everything I said and did.

I had forgotten how bizarre my actions actually were and how frightened the people who love me were for at least 3 years. Then there was the long recovery from the pulmonary emboli and the constant fear of losing me to DVT.

This walk down memory lane was an eye opener for the reasons my sons and friends think I am much healthier here and should stay.

Have to admit the life style here is less stress overall and the air is clear…they may be right afterall.

in a few weeks. A friend from here is moving to Houston. She has been in the mortgage business here in the wilderness for the past 15 years. Her business has been decimated in the meltdown so she is moving to Texas.

She called to let me know I could share the U-haul and go home if I want to….she will be out of here in about 2-3 weeks.

A few weeks ago I would have already been packed. Should I go or should I stay and see if my new advertising venture will fly?

I just want to go home. I talk to my children and grandchildren on the phone but it has been 2 1/2 years since I have seen them and been able to hug them! For some people that is fine but for me it is an eternity in hell.

Mindful that I am healthier here what is the point if I am miserable?

My interest in things had dwindled down to nothing…all I wanted to do was sleep or watch TV. A person can only take so much rejection and negativity.

An aquaintance who has become a new friend is making a huge difference in my attitude. We are the same age and have a lot in common. We like the same types of things. She and I both grew up in the wilderness went to the city and came home. We are both entreprenuers.

She is pretty much a whirlwind and with her encouragement I have made myself accept invitations to do new things and have “face-time” with others here instead of always talking about going home. In other words…connect and commit to my life and not worry so much what others think.

She is also going through hard economic times with her company but she isn’t letting her adversity destroy the joy in her life.

She went to the chili cook-off with me yesterday…on the way home she was telling me that she just can’t sit still and do nothing so she wanted to go by the yarn store because she is knitting scarves as gifts for Christmas this year. I laughed and told her I tried knitting as a child and took up crochet instead.

We spent hours looking at all the beautiful threads and yarns…knitting has come a long way from when I was young!

She bought some beautiful combinations and we headed to her house…all along the way she was assuring me how easy it was to make these scarves. She has drawers full because they are her signature item….she makes special scarves for her special outfits.

I spent the next 1 1/2 hours learning to knit…making mistakes and she encouraging me that was ok…I didn’t need to start over everytime I messed up a stitch…

I came home with joy in my heart, a bag full of different yarns and a practice set of needles so I can experiment.

I’m glad I answered her call when she reached out to be my friend.:)