Separate

Some things were said last night that make me think (and hope) that if I offer the solutions (i.e. buying him out of the house) that it won’t be so difficult. He is homesick right now.

when we are in company of friends (mine, as he doesn’t have any in this country)we have nothing to talk about in the way of our life together. Its just the same boring drivel about jobs, the weather and then a quick change of subject back to the lives of the others as we don’t seem to have one together. We don’t. We don’t go anywhere, do anything exciting, have any plans, talk about holidays, have any focus, laughter or enjoyment. It happens every time we are in this situation and really does tell me a lot about why I want to separate. This morning I felt like screaming out “the truth is, I am SO unhappy” while we sat about eating cake and drinking tea. I want him out of my life, I want to be free of the weight I feel like is pulling me down, to where I can’t make decisions or take actions without hearing him put me down or assert his authority. Its like he’s gradually sucking the life out of me…

1. I don’t go camping or have holidays as much as I want to while I am with A.

2. I don’t ride my bike as much as I want to while I am with A

3. I don’t have sex in my relationship with A

4. I have no one to share my love of gardening with while I am with A

5. I am not held, kissed or openly loved while I am with A

1. refinance home loan into my name only
2. separate bedrooms
3. live more of a life that is my own and not beholden to him