remember stories from my past and share them

This is a photo of me on my 5th bday. Check out that dress lol. I remember this day as a good one. I felt special and thought the cake was beautiful and tasted good! I think this photo captures me in a lot of ways.

I recall asking my mom about this photo and telling her how I remembered it and she smiled and her eyes filled up with tears. She recalled the day differently, but was so thankful my memory of it was good. She had been fighting with dad and we did not have the money for a cake or presents. My aunt and mom got together and were determined to make this a good birthday no matter what, they made a cake from a cheap cake mix, put decorations on it from a previous year, let me wear my favorite dress (so she says! I know that was her idea! lol), encouraged me to celebrate the day, the beautiful weather, being a child, playing, etc.

Mom did a fantastic job; if she would not of told me I would never have known it was not a perfect day. In my mind it still was and will always be one of my favorite memories and definitely one of my favorite photos. Thanks mom.

My parents were married on New Year’s Eve. I always figured it was a way for dad to get out of celebrating it since I always heard him say “the whole world is celebrating it, we don’t need to do anything special”. But to hear my mom describe it is a bit different. More like “We were married on NYE so the whole world could celebrate with us.” Amazing how a few words changed around and look of love out of one’s eyes can change an entire memory.

My parents were young, mom was pregnant with me and it was very cold, but they were in love and nothing else mattered. I always think of this during this time of year, even though my parents were divorced when I was 16 and dad passed away 4 1/2 years ago. I’m sure mom thinks of it too of course. As a child I barely remember the young carefree hippie couple, by the time I was old enough to have memories I recall money and life stresses taking their toll. Of course I have good memories, but mostly recall my parents being just that, parents, not husband and wife.

The whole idea of them getting married on a world celebrated holiday helps me see the they were in fact two young kids in love and nothing else mattered, at least they had that feeling in the beginning and I’m sure it lingered somewhere deep inside them even after the divorce.

I had one main boyfriend before I starting dating the man (boy at the time lol) that would become my husband. His name was Craig. I remember my first interaction with him, my freshmen year, his Junior year. We were standing outside the high school and my friend was dating one of his friends (Mark), we had not met before then. So the four of us were standing outside and Mark grabbed Craig’s sunglasses and tossed them to my friend, Kelly, and she tossed them to me.

I froze…not expecting that as I was dazing off as normal. Craig came up, I put the glasses in my hand behind my back. Craig reached around for them and made eye contact with me for the first time. That moment seemed to last forever (I’m sure it was a matter of seconds though). He finally smiled and said “well hello”. I smiled, blushed…stepped back and handed him his sunglasses.
He always made jokes, and had been the whole time we were all gathered around. He was very funny, but at that moment I saw how sweet he was too. The reaching around to get his sunglasses felt like a hug and for a moment I think he thought that too.

This happened the last week of class before summer. I didn’t see him much, then we all moved into the new school building the next year that seemed to separate us all pretty well and Kelly and Mark broke up.

I remember daydreaming about him after the sunglass incident, but with the summer time passed and I ‘gave up’. School started the next year and I saw him during quick passes in the hall. The seniors had a different locker location and ‘hall’ so I didn’t venture to that side often. Then football season started, it was a chilly fall night and I went to see Kelly perform in the twirling club or whatever lol. And who is there? Yep, I sat right next to Craig. I had a blanket and he was shivering. We laughed and smiled and he said “hey I know you..” Then he made some “WOW it’s SOOOO cold and I don’t have a warm blanket” jokes. So we shared my blanket. We laughed and watched the game and then he asked if I wanted him to walk me to my car. I had parked at my aunts house (right next to the school), but sure…you can walk with me.

We got to my car and he asked if I could drive him to his since it was so cold. Sure…get in…Had to wait for it to warm up…we kissed…a lot. Laughed some more…listened to my favorite Taylor Dayne tape (yes ‘tape’ this was the early 90s lol). Then he asked if I wanted to go out; start dating. My response was “But I hardly know you.” He laughed and said “Wow, we just spent 30 minutes making out and NOW you are worried about hardly knowing me.” LOL

We laughed, I drove him to his car and we actually made a date for the next weekend. I feel this entry is already too long, but I can’t just end it there lol…

I did get to ask hiim why he never asked about me or even asked me out after the ‘sunglass incident’ and he said he did ask Mark about me, and Kelly said I had a boyfriend…I asked Kelly why she would say that and she said because she didn’t think I would be interested! Craig was tall, broad shoulders, beautiful big eyes, cute dimples when he smiled…and he had dark hair with blond tips…and so so funny. lol. The shy quiet girl was very interested!

We dated for a little over three months. During the holiday season. He came to my house for Thanksgiving and for Christmas we started my my parents (my house lol) and then went to his. His dad’s first comment was “well Craig how’d you snag this one…the others girls you dated had too much black sh*t around their eyes” (talking about the makeup they wore lol). Craig blushed and said “well thanks dad, and now you see Dana why I did not want to bring you around here before now.” lol.

We discussed our future, we discussed places to live, jobs we would have…we had a lot of fun, we ate lunch together every day, went out at least twice a week (movies, dinner, etc.). When I told him I couldn’t see him anymore it had nothing to do with him. My parents were fighting a lot and talking about divorced. I had my little sister to watch over and I decided a boyfriend just didn’t fit into all of that. He was very upset. Kept asking what he had done wrong. He had done nothing at all wrong. I wish I would have told him the truth, been more open with him. Even to this day for some reason I wish I had the chance to tell him I liked him a lot and enjoyed the time and wish it would have lasted longer. And explain my thought process for breaking up and how it really didn’t have anything to do with him…it really was me.

So while driving about 3 hours to get the ‘new to me’ car we passed by a small town mainly on the map because of the truck stop. A memory of being there with my father rushed through me. I was maybe 19 and had not spent a lot of time with him. He was a truck driver and I asked if I could go on a run with him to spend some time and catch up. We had had a rocky off and on again relationship since my parents divorced a few years earlier. Anyway, we laughed, in between some quiet scenic time and him talking ‘trucker talk’ to the other drivers; each of them giving the other a jokable hard time.

We drove through this little town, about half way between home and our destination and stopped at the truck stop. This truck stop’s main ingrediant was butter, but wow did they have the BEST biscuits and gravy! We enjoyed lunch, heard more ‘trucker jokes’ since most in there were just like my dad, but it was fun seeing him in his element, getting a glance of his daily routine.

I told him we should do it again sometime, maybe even bring my sister… we never got around to it. He stopped driving (due to health) about 4 years before he died, that time flew by and we just never had the chance to ride with him anywhere or even go back to the butter truck stop. It is a good memory though and I’m glad we drove by there Saturday, I didn’t mentioned it to anyone, my sister and I just kept talking about current issues, but it was still a nice reminder.

I remember in about 3rd grade my grandmother and aunt sent me this stocking cap with big bird (The bright yellow seasme street bird) on top of it. I remember telling mom ‘there is no way I’m wearing that’ and she smiled, but then it got cold and for whatever reason I had a heavy coat without a hood and mom said I had to wear the big bird hat. I cried…I mean for a pre school age kid maybe, but 3rd grade?!? So finally I put it on and slowly started walking to the bus stop. As soon as I thought I was out of sight I took it off, then heard this “Dana put that hat back on!”

Moms are everywhere and see everything! I took it off as soon as I got on the bus…Thankfully no one saw it! The next day mom got me a different hat. Mom’s are wonderful magical creatures aren’t they? :-)

I am sure I am showing my age a bit here…but I have to share a story about New Kids on The Block. I hear they are touring again so that is what triggered this..

My best friend in High School, Kelly, and I took our first road trip to see ‘the kids’ at a state fair, I was 16. My mother was worried sick about the long 2 1/2 drive. kelly and I were SUPER excited about this defining moment of trust. It wasn’t just about seeing our band, it was the fact that our parents trusted us to drive that far alone…we had a taste of freedom.

We wore matching NKOTB tees, white ones with a photo of the band on them. We laughed til our sides hurt. We got there and actually found it silly – we were just about the oldest ones there! We started to laugh and joke about it all..I still laugh thinking about that night.

It all changed on the way home though. It started to pour down rain; a storm like no other I had ever seen. We were driving and could not see anything in front of us. So I decided to pull over on the side of the road, like a good girl, like my mother had always told me. WELL…there was a truck already pulled over…I didn’t see him…we ran right into him. We sat there in shock. All of a sudden the man from the truck was at my window. I cracked the window (being afraid of strangers) and he asked if we were alright and we started crying. I was not hurt, I was scared what my mom would say…what my dad would say to her and to I…(My parents were divorced earlier that year so I knew it would an even bigger deal!)

The man was very nice, standing in the pouring rain trying to get us to stop crying…finally he left and went to the police. His truck was hardly dented…my car on the other hand was not drivable, a little Nissan. The hood was bent and the front end was pushed into the motor. Finally Kelly and I ventured up a steep muddy hill to a hotel to use the phone and call our parents.

That is how the curse of NKOTB began…oh and this was the day before school started. So we were very very tired the first day of school that year!

So a few weeks later we had ‘spirit’ week and one of the days we could dress like ‘twins’ SO of course Kelly and I decide to wear our NKOTB tees…during cmputer class Kelly was telling the story of our crash, showing everyone that knot still visible on her knee…she got a bit excited about it and her elbow somehow found my nose…yep my one and only bloody nose was from my best friend. Needless to say I had blood all over my white NKOTB shirt…Long story short…Kelly and I never wore our tees again. She felt sooo bad…I can laugh about it today! I wonder how she is doing.

My cousin Melissa (or missy as I always called her) lived with my parents and I for a bit when I was about 8 or 9. She was a year younger than me. My dad’s brother was her father. He passed away when we were both young. For a bit we were very close. Even when she did not stay with us we were around one another a lot.

Missy and her mother moved to OR when we were still pretty young, maybe 11 or 12. I did not hear from her for a long time. We finally exchanged letters here and there in our early 20s. She lived a very different life than me. And she had a hard time talking to me because my father’s side of the family had pretty much forgotten her. Not my father, but his mother and other siblings.

My father looked a lot like her father. She adored him. But it was hard for her to see him or be around him.

I remember the call from my mother about 4 or 5 years ago telling me Missy had died. It was such a strange feeling. We were told she died the same way her father did. Which I thought was sad. I had not talked to her for years, but always thought about her. When my father passed she was one person I thought of and wanted to tell.

Even though we lost touch I still have fun childhood memories of her and miss her. I think of her now and then of course, but last week I dreamed about her. She was in a crowd, getting ready to walk by me I wasn’t sure if it was her, the dream felt so real. I knew it couldn’t be, but it looked so much like her. Someone behind me asked her name and she said Melissa. I turned around and tried to catch her and ask her last name, but she faded into the crowd…

I sometimes think maybe the phone call my mother got was mistaken and she’s still with us and one day we’ll be able to catch up. She had a daughter that I have never seen in person, she must be 16 or so now. I don’t have contact information for her, but I would love to share some memories of my cousin, her mother, with her.

My friend Angie and I met when we were about 14. She moved to my hometown, and my aunt worked with her father and introduced us. We spent the entire summer together. We walked to each others house, had slumber parties, walked the entire small town. We shared a lot of laugher!

She heard my father singing one day. He would goof around and sing oldies from time to time. I remember her face…she got real quiet and was like “who is that?!” When I told her it was dad she was shocked. I remember her saying “He’s good!” she repeated that a few times.

From that point on every time she saw dad she would ask him to sing. I never really listened to my father’s voice until Angie truly brought it to my attention. He did have a wonderful voice. He would sing a lot of songs from the 50’s. He loved the oldies. He sang the songs well; his voice matched them well.

I remember standing up next to him in the car while he was driving (yes this was in the 70’s before all the regulations and seat belt laws). He would sing the song White Lightning (an old country song) and there was a part in the song that went “shhoooooh” right before the white lightning line. The ‘shhhooooh’ part was my line. Dad would sing the rest then point to me for my part.

I can’t believe I remember that. I had to be about 2 or 3 maybe.

I think the song Angie first heard him sing was ‘American Pie’...you know …”So, bye, bye Miss American Pie Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye Singin’ this’ll be the day that I die This’ll be the day that I die”

Memories are nice aren’t they? :-)

This past weekend I was talking about my trip to DC and how that was my only trip East (passed TN). Then I started thinking of a trip with my father when he said to me “Look over there, you see that tall building? That is where King Kong fell from.” I must have been about 5 maybe. After I thought about that and how that had to be NY, I asked my mom this past weekend about it. She said we did go with my father some when he drove a big truck. We went to NY, NJ, and PA. I started to remember it even more! I had just turned 5 and dad didn’t have time to stop in NY, but as we drove through he called me up front and I was all bent down looking and looking out his window. I remember smiling and telling him “yes yes I see it I see it”.

See we had seen the King Kong movie and I cried and cried, it was a big deal (mom had to take me out of the theatre) lol. Anyway so this was a big deal to me to see this building and have dad point it out to me.

Mom said we got stuck in a small town in PA, she thinks it was Somerset, for three days while they ordered a new tire for the truck. Anyway mom was telling me how she and I walked around (we had no money so everything we always did was free). Mom would say things like “no look, really look and take it all in; the trees, the colors, the flowers.” I’d look around and point out certain flowers, etc. It was so cute to see mom do an impression of me. The way I would smile would real big, tighten my shoulders, close my eyes. She said when I did that she KNEW I was super excited. Hell I think I STILL do that! :-)

I barely remember the PA stay, but it was so nice talking to her about it. Hearing it from her. I totally know where I got my ‘little things really matter’ attitude from! She focused on the free things and shared them with me since before I can even remember.

It’s hard to believe that on April 26th it will be 2 years since my father passed. Two years. They have been busy years. Some tears, laughs, questions, decisions,... A roller coaster ride at times. I’m thankful for the growth and opportunities I have had the past 2 years. Thankful for the places I have seen and almost seen. It’s amazing how much can change in two years and how much can seem and/or be the same. I still have my father’s email in my address book, can’t seem to bring myself to delete it just yet.

It’s strange, I have thought about my father passing away the past month (last month was a year since he passed away) and how he was the last year of his life. I had focused (and been thankful) for those last few months my sister and I had with him. Those memories are what have filled my head. But last night I had to smile while my eyes teared up on my drive home.

I was not able to take the first exit to my house that I normally take on my drive home from work because of traffic (couldn’t get over). So I drove to the next exit which I had not taken in a long time. And as I saw the exit sign a memory rushed in my head.

The second exit splits, one way says “St. Louis” another is the way to my home. When I was about 4 or 5 I lived in a house behind where I live now for about a year. I remember one day my father and I were driving home and took that second exit. He looked at me and said “Honey lets take off and drive to St. Louis, we won’t tell anyone.” I remember this with a smile and tears. I looked up at him and said “Ok daddy, yeah lets go,” in my most excited voice. A brief pause…”We can’t sweetie, we couldn’t leave and not tell anyone.” I don’t think he expected my excited answer. “Maybe another day, ok sweetie?”

I remember that feeling as if it were yesterday. Even though we didn’t go it was this moment only we shared. No one else knew about it. Nothing mattered, no money issues, no stress, no lack of time, etc. It was a moment I shared with my father. One of the earliest memories I have of him.

I think that moment defined me in some way. Maybe my sense of wonder or something. I always admired my father following through with his dreams, even if they did not last long like the plane he bought (that we could not afford) for a summer and flew me and my friends around in (and anyone who would go with him) even if it was just for a summer it was still a dream he made come true.

This memory rush made me think of a few others too. Those laughs my father and I shared might not have been the majority of my childhood memories but they still make me smile and appreciate them. Like the Rolling Stones concert we went to and had the tallest guy I had even seen (and topped off with a cowboy hat) sit in front of my dad (who was a man of about 5’7” with shoulders that belonged on a much taller man) my dad laughed out loud and said “well would you look at this bullshit”. Eventually the man realized what happend, shared in the laughter and changed seats with someone, it was a cool moment. There are more but that is enough for now! :-)