Here I am, in this small town, on this small island… I have been subbing for nearly 2 years. I used to like my job, but lately – I don’t know. Lately I have been feeling frustrated.
Subbing is all about randomness. I never know if I will be working any particular day, what I will be doing, what town I’ll need to go to, whether or not there will be an actual lesson plan for the day. I never know the particular rules that teacher has with a group of kids, who’s a legitimate exception to the rule, etc. The only thing I know is that a group of kids will always tell me that they’re “allowed” to do something which in fact, they are not allowed to do.
There are good days and bad days. Some people say, “Don’t worry about it, you’re just a babysitter”. But, am I? I’m a teacher, I’m just not getting a chance to BE one. I would like to plan my own lessons and be able to follow through and actually teach something. I would like to feel more effective.
If I slack and let the kids do what they want, then the teacher thinks I’m useless. Also, the more I let a group of kids get away with, the more they try to take advantage next time. I certainly don’t get any respect for it. So, do I please the students?(Not necessarily) Or do I please the teacher? (Not necessarily, depends on the circumstances of the day.)
I’m getting frustrated that I never know what’s going on and can’t plan any of my life because work is so unreliable.
AND I used to get a lot more work than I do now, so I somehow feel like I have been “demoted” (which makes me feel like maybe I have been doing a bad job without realizing it).
Logically I know that the school district hired twice as many subs this year, and we all get equal numbers of calls, so of course I am working less.
But my feelings of inadequacy are clearly not logic-based. Sigh.
I would like to have a regular-hours job.