I’m completely hooked on watching this livecam of a red-tail nest set on NYU’s library. She’s fussing with her nest to keep the eggs warm, which are due in another ten days or so, I think. http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/04/06/hawk-cam-live-from-the-nest/
Bunny and I had first seen a red-tail in Washington Square Park several years ago. He flew very low right past us and perch on a street light, it was very exciting. We always had a fondness for Pale Male, and wondered if this was a child or grandchild of his.
I didn’t see another hawk until after Bunny passed. It was in Peter Stuyversant Park after a session at CancerCare in July of 2008. The bird had swooped down on something in the grass, his tail fanned out, and stood their a while. He flew across into these low branches on the other side and I followed him and sat on a bench near by. I started crying while watching him, thinking I would be okay, there was something comforting about being near that bird.
And I can’t believe its been a year now since first seeing the red-tail in Tompkins Square Park. That was the most amazing morning, I followed her through the park for hours as she hunted and ate a rat only a few feet from me, and then a squirrel tried taunting her. If she hadn’t had the rat, she would have had that squirrel for sure. I found some squirrel remains on a tree ledge that day. I’ve looked for her since in my morning walks, and have only caught a glimpse of her. Never repeating a thrilling morning like that again.
She’s eating better when she can take her time and have her privacy instead of in the kitchen. She purrs and is getting around, but feels fragile in my arms.
He and I played online tonight making a badass virtual food trip to Taco Bell. We get totally silly doing chicken dances (and pecking each other), and wearing silly hats, monocles and eye patches (the Loch Ness Kitchen Mit ate Speedy’s eye). Really lifted my spirits. He’s such a silly cutie.
Dana places monocle
Speedy pintches eye brow down tight, louisiana saturday night
Dana very sophisticated
Speedy I am a man of many flavors, Dana
Speedy with nice hats ;-)
Dana you wear a spice rack speedy :)
Dana have a few toppers too
Speedy more of a condiment tray
For the very dapper Speedy, something taco:
A long-distance friend is going through a bad time, not sure of what to do with her life and feels a terrible guilt for it. I’ve been suggesting to my dear friend to keep up with her crafts, or to get involved with something she already cares about…start from there. She has the security to pursue things and explore, but funk sets in. She loses interest once getting started. She hates herself for it, and I worry about her so much. I’m glad she called to share, and hope her sister will help motivate her to get into the world.
C called, and we talked about if I could work at a bar she frequents. She thinks I could do something better, and working in the kitchen is physically demanding. I told her that I didn’t care about the type of work, I haven’t worked in many years, and have to try something and start from somewhere. Had been thinking for a long time to try cab driving, but I worry about the medical exam keeping me from getting a hack license. If I fall on my face at the bar, or it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. I’ll keep trying something else, but my life is depending on that SOMETHING has to work out!
A BC friend in the UK called while I was sleeping last night, we’re trying to catch up which is something I really need.
Over the weekend I sent a few postcards out to people. Haven’t done this in a long time and it felt good.
Lately, I haven’t slept but for a few hours each night worrying my head off how to get my life together. Couldn’t relax or sleep all night, and was thinking and walking in a slow tired haze while awake. Finally Sunday afternoon, I tried again. Could not stay asleep for the first couple of hours, so I read in bed and tried again. Fell asleep fully at last, for about 6 hours! Got up 11pm, much more alert, less fearful. Now I have to adjust so I can sleep everyday like this, at regular hours so I can do normal things again.
Last night I had spinach salad with strawberries, goat cheese and peacans while out with C and JM. C had brought fudge from Block Island for us, which was very sweet, but since I’m diabetic something like this will send me into a coma. Spent the evening listening to her adventures in relaxing, and how much it costs to go out there. She thinks I should sell my beading out there, but I really don’t have the money right now to explore the island’s shops. I really appreciate her enthusiasm. Right now, I really need a steady job with a pay check to keep things stable. There are literally tons of shops here in the city to show my beading to, so money-wise, I don’t think I’ll be getting off this island to another island just yet.
The salad was very good, gonna make it at home.
Really haven’t been consistant with this goal, wondering if I should just bee loopy and start from day one. Eh, why not?
A shop up the street was selling little seedlings of different plants for $1 to support community’s garden. I got 4 tomato plants. Was figuring there’s pots and dirt to buy for them, but then my cats started eating a whole bunch of the leaves and turning them into shriveled blech. I naturally kill plants, but this was too soon. I wasn’t even going to get the chance to over-water them. Fuck. Can’t keep anything nice.
Didn’t have the heart to throw them out just yet, and hadn’t left the house in days anyway, I put them on the fire escape. Threw some water on them because what was left was all droopy. The droopies started perking up, and it looks like new leaves are coming in this morning. This made me really happy and gave me a bit of hope. Maybe I’ll look for a big pot and some dirt.
An old online friend and I have started playing light-heartedly again, and it feels good to have some kind of consistant communication again. A virtual hug and chitchat is at least some kind of acknowledgement.
I still really miss having long conversations every day with someone in the city, and sharing stuff. I miss that intimacy. I miss having a real relationship.
Not having one and being so isolated, feels like the end of the world.
Got to sit and focus on what I was looking at, and was able to let the sketching flow. Its looking so much better, and I’m feeling more confident about my abilities again. There may be a future afterall.