find true love

Why do people always fall in love? Why does no one stand up to it?

I’ve noticed a common trend with all the single girls I’ve been in contact with lately. All of them follow a pattern that I’ve been able to identify; whether it means I’m thinking too shallow or my choice of companion is lacking, I do not know.

After the initial answers in flirt to signal the start of an exchange of values, the girl retreats. Bang! They clam up into a shell, only responding to my pursue. I’ve seen enough of how bees & flowers gets realized in public to realize that a staggering proportion of males play out this game, blinded by the smell and sight of cookie kept just out of their reach.

My response to this type of girl is bound from deep within, asking, “Just who do you think you are, anyways?”

Maybe this is the reason why I can’t seem to make myself comfortable amongst women who I find any level of common interest with. The whole idea of love having so much back-breaking nonsense workload attached to the feeling of having someone to warm up your bed makes me ill from the inside. I’d write another commentary on how females act when I ignore them outright, but I may have to sit on that subject for a fortnight.

During the processing of this subject I realized the type of woman I’d be the most eager to fall in love with. I’d fall in love with a goddess who would become my muse. The one who enlightens my creativity, or mizzles into my undergrowth, or all that jazz. The one who makes me reach for the crazy, lunatic powers I’ve locked within. Whatever the looks or other characteristics of this woman are, I have no idea. The reason this person is a female come from the deeply bound teachings of modern civilization that are passed from one generation to another, not permitting any other choice in the face of a rejection of all that was correct and holy up until that point.

I am not happy with how things have turned out.

I just realized there’s a girl pretty close to me, and soon after had a revelation of sorts. I think we’d make an extremely functioning pair.

She’s one of the definitions of an overachiever, having graduated all over the place and doing several jobs at the same time. That, and she’s the biggest sister of a family with 4-5 children. She has a hard time watching a lot of people do work, since any half-assed efforts tend to just piss her off. We did a few weeks of work together, every day at the same location, and I’ve seen how she lights up when things start to go smoothly. I had another stray thought about how she’s quite similar to my grandmother, or they’re souls that resemble each other on some level. Unless they’d start to fight immediately, I think there would be some happy people all around.

How the union works then… I’m the type who sets a (even a difficult) goal and completes it swiftly, then losing all interest in the subject. She’d have a field day as soon as she realizes that more can be squeezed out of me with some motivational whipping. What I’d start on with her is stopping her from rising out of bed early Sunday morning, massaging her into a puddle of goo and forcing her to keep at least a few hours of holiday when applicable. It was disorienting listening to her schedule, packed full of work and studies from morning to evening… The best part is that while we worked in close quarters, we made a very efficient team and had a comfortable time generally. I’d downplay when she gives critique about how other people work, even when it’s a completely accurate complaint… And she’d… well, I can only guess.

While this all looks like a rational plan on paper, my heart doesn’t give any signs of either interest or disinterest towards her.

Perhaps it’s better to just wait until better times. Spending half a day almost every day of the week in the midst of young girls really makes you readjust your views. Even those with adorable infatuations have to be viewed a bit like looking after a horde of pups trying out their limits for the first time.

On another note I met up with another interesting girl, this time one already past their puberty. We have a lot of fun together during work, but our interests do not collide on any imaginable level. Speaking about movies, music, studies, anything except horny jokes and meaningless small/trash talk is difficult since we can both understand that our minds are unfathomable to each other. I can’t appreciate her indifference towards global issues and politics in general, and she can’t understand why I waste time with things I can’t do anything with. I bet we both think we’re much more intelligent than the other. How did it come to pass that we’re spending time together with this sort of contrast in everything we’re about? I guess simple exchanging of neck massages after a long day of work can bring people together… It’s impossible that this could anyhow become a lasting relationship, so I’ll just consider it another failure in this goal.

For so long I’ve felt there’s no need or place for love, but a series of new meetings brought upon me curious realizations, or alien feelings, if I should say so. Maybe even a barren heart is able to fall in love?

A huge problem is that the girl is still young with a fickle heart, and pathetically easily amused, which makes me feel so old and cynical. The age gap is about a decade, which means a lot when in the teens range.

We’ve already become friends, so I don’t have anything against waiting for her to grow up. It just feels like a wasted investment when there’s no way to spell it out to her before she grows up some more towards the realities of life.

She already has a big brother, so it’s not necessary for me to adopt that position, but I’m afraid it’ll slide to something like that. Even if the twinkling stars in her eyes won’t go away.