Be less shy

i went to two parties this week. one of them was small and full of friends and went really well. the other was bigger and still pretty full of friends, but much harder. sometimes even seeing too many people too fast is dissorienting. i say hi to everybody right away, in a kind of perfunctory way, then don’t feel like i have any excuse to talk to them further :(

i like some things about being introverted, like the way i prefer to spend time with my close friends rather than with strangers, and the way i can enjoy doing things by myself and don’t always need to surround myself with people and fill the air with conversation.

but, i wish i wasn’t so afraid, when i go to parties and things and don’t know who to talk to. if it’s a dinner party or something it’s ok because i just talk to the people near me; it’s the approaching people that kills me. do they wish i would just go away?

the worst thing is, people often think i am mean or stuck up but really i’m just scared of them :(