I realize that I most likely babble and prattle all the time because it has been the most accessible way to be sociable. [The other ways being to try to be a comedian, and then to try to be the wise man with all the metaphors.] But it has gotten ridiculous, and it is to the point of annoying me now. [And also making me feel guilty.]
I have to try to get back to being introspective, and if anyone has any tips for this, I’d really love the help. What I plan to do is this:
-Stop asking questions about stuff I already know about just to make conversation
-Remember that wikipedia exists and that my friends are not wikipedia.
-Spend more time reading and less time avoiding it by going to find people to talk to or watching TV
-Stop keeping as many noisy things on as I can to distract myself.
-Be more introspective. If I don’t take the time out to actually think and ponder things, how could I possibly have anything interesting to talk about? It gets to the point where you’re not really saying anything, even though some of what you say can be hilarious.
-Stop clinging to other people
-Stop taking on other people’s issues and activities as my own
-Quit being so defensive about this kind of stuff and trying to be apologetic as to why I do it. I need to stop and that’s all there is to it.
-STOP showing people everything I make to ask their opinion if there’s no real reason for it. Unless I’m trying to gauge people’s opinion to try and make a decision, or if I think they know more about what craft I am practicing than I do and wish to know if I’ve done it right.
-Be 21 more often than being 12 years old. [As far as public behavior goes. There’s no reason to give up my obsession with seeing every single bad CGI Barbie movie, as long as I take responsibility for myself and my actions.]
It is difficult to even fathom changing behaviors that are so ingrained and which we are so used to exhibiting. But if they are bad behaviors, they have to go. So, my first step is done. I’ve thought about it. My second step, seriously considering it, is now done. My third step, coming up with actual ways to fix the problem, is partially done. This list of things is somewhat hypothetical and more an admittance that I am both doing something wrong and am also serious about fixing it. On another level, it is an apologetic, “Please forgive my immature, insensitive ass because I really do want to change.” I think that’s forgiveable, though, because I do intend to change.
So, here is to hopefully being a better, less airheaded person.
