To tell you the truth, I don’t know very well what the AOS is; my lawyers take care of that. But here’s the funny part of every immigration process: the Application Questions!
Q: Have you ever knowingly committed any crime of moral turpitude or a drug-related offense for which you have not been arrested?
A: Yay for the weed, and I promise to turn myself in as soon as finish this application, peace man
Q: Have you ever been arrested, cited, charged, indicted, fined, or imprisoned for breaking or violating any law or ordinance, excluding traffic violations?
A: All of the above, but the guard let me out for an ounce of weed
Q: Have you ever been a beneficiary of a pardon, amnesty, rehabilitation decree, other act of clemency or similar action?
A: See above. Money talks. Weed is just plain persuasive.
Q: Have you ever exercised diplomatic immunity to avoid prosecution for a criminal offense in the U.S.?
A: Yes. Eye m aye rezident of Weedisthan en protekted bye mae stayts dyeplomeytik imuneyti
Q: Have you ever received public assistance in the U.S. from any source, including the U.S. government or any state, county, city, or municipality (other than emergency medical treatment), or are you likely to receive public assistance in the future?
A: I am likely to bum on my butt all day at the expense of the U.S. of A, and puff weed incessantly.
Q: Have you, within the past 10 years, been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution, or intend to engage in such activities in the future?
A: Why, sure thing, cutie!!! My, intelligent questions are such a turn-on!!!
Q: Have you ever knowingly encouraged, induced, assisted, abetted or aided any alien to try to enter the U.S. illegally?
A: Duh. Who do you think I get my weed from?!
Q: Have you ever engaged in any unlawful commercialized vice, including, but not limited to illegal gambling?
A: Weed, prostitution, gambling – I have my own sin citizen ZIP code
Q: Have you ever illicitly trafficked in any controlled substance, or knowingly assisted, abetted or colluded in the illicit trafficking of any controlled substance?
A: Nah, a few good joints and the police declared it legal in my ZIP code
Q: Have you ever engaged in, conspired to engage in, or do you intend to engage in, or have you ever solicited membership or funds for, or have you through any means ever assisted or provided any type of material support to, any person or organization that has ever engaged or conspired to engage, in sabotage, kidnapping, political assassination, hijacking or any other form of terrorist activity?
A: ‘course. Remember that shipment of weed to Anytown, US? One’s gotta keep backwater America clean and feed the hungry folks in San Francisco.
Q: Have you ever been a member of, or in any way affiliated with, the Communist Party or any other totalitarian party?
A: Phew! This was really close. Romania was a communist country until ‘89, but I wasn’t 18 yet back then :-)
Q: Have you, during the period March 23, 1933 to May 8, 1945, in association with either the Nazi Government of Germany or any organization or government associated or allied with the Nazi Government of Germany, ever ordered, incited, assisted or otherwise participated in the persecution of any person because of race, religion, national origin or political opinion?
A: Hell, in a previous life, I might as well have BEEN Hitler.
Q: Have you ever engaged in genocide, or otherwise ordered, incited, assisted or otherwise participated in the killing of any person because of race, religion, nationality, ethnic origin, or political opinion?
A: When I came to my senses after all the bad deeds above, I genocided all my previous partners in crime, dreaming I won’t be caught and deported.
Q: Have you ever been deported from the U.S. or removed from the U.S. at government expense, excluded within the past year, or are you now in exclusion or deportation proceedings?
A: My dream didn’t come true :-(
From the Siberian deportation camp,
Dandv
