Stop putting my love/emotions on the line for men who dont deserve it

When did I become so insecure!! I haven’t dated in a while and I don’t know if that was helping or hurting me. Being independent is a godsend really, I could be alone for the rest of my life and just be content and happy. That is not the way that things should be really… I am more happy that I am okay with it.

So I kinda started dating someone he is pretty awesome and I guess time will tell. I just realized last night when we were sitting there watching tv- I couldnt concentrate on the TV I was soo engrossed in thinking about was my hair sitting right, did I look washed out, does this color make me look fat…. I mean you name it I thought it. I was soo insecure with myself. I guess I am just so used to being by myself that I dont think about all that stuff. I mean he is not superficial at all soo I honestly believe he dosent care about that stuff.

How was I programmed to think that everything in a relationship is based on how I look? Hmm, I believe some wires got tangled in my hiatus. Never have I wanted to be inside someones head so badly… lol CREEEPER.

I am a sucker.. and I did it again and I will do it again lol … silly me.

for you to flee the scene, as if you held in your hand the smoking gun, and on the floor lay the one you said you loved.

It’s really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as well as you planned
But when my loneliness is through, i’m gonna find another you

You take your sweaters
You take your time
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhymes
I’m gonna sing my way away from blue
I’m gonna find another you

When i was your lover
No one else would do
If i’m false to find another i hope she looks like you
Yeah and she’s nicer too

So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Now i’m gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I’m gonna do somethings you wouldn’t let me do
Oh i’m gonna find another you

i love you and its something i cant help. i dont want to fight with you but i love you so much it hurt when you said what you said to me. I am sorry I didnt mean to hurt you and dont think you know how sorry I am and I dont think you know how much you mean to me… i dont know if you feel the same, but it wont ever change how I feel. You are such a big part of my life right now. I get up and I think of you … and then I cant stop thinking about you, you are the only person that makes me smile, laugh and I feel like I’ve found something so irreplaceable. I felt like my world and all this feeling I have inside was crumbling when I thought that tomorrow you wouldnt be there for me and you wouldnt love me anymore. I just want to love you and give you everything I have I dont know why because its like you came out of no where but I am gateful even if this never goes anywhere you will always have a special place in my heart and you will always be my babycakes.

• and they didnt reply, didnt call, didnt let you know how they felt in return…. would you drop the whole thing? would you take it all back? Would you stop loving them?
  this hurts, i hate disliking love and people…. i hate distance, I dont like when people dont express themselves or talk. I feel like my heart is in five billion pieces on the floor and i am getting frustrated trying to put them back togehter

the heart of love is good …..

No i’m not the man i used to be lately
See you met me at an interesting time
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before i let you inside


Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you


I will beg my way into your garden
I will break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where i started
So i can watch you back all over again


Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you


Who do you love?
Who do you love?
Who do you love me or the thought of me? me or the thought of me?


Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you


Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever gets you through through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you
I don’t trust myself with loving you
I don’t trust myself with loving you
I don’t trust myself with loving you

I really let men dictate how I feel and I am constantly putting my emotions out there for these guys that are not interested in loving me back…. I hate to say it, but I let myself get used and thrown to the side. I can’t blame anyone but myself… and I hate the way I feel when i thought something was real and felt like I did all I could do to make someone love me, and then they leave me. It is like this REVOLVING door, that I cant step out of? I mean I am here writing this… so I know what is going on I see it? Why can’t I fix it?


I guess sometimes you just feel like you are going to have that fairy tale and everything will pan out. Am I totally missing out on something here though… I mean do I need to establish what I want? I am so confused. I can honestly feel my heart drop into the pit of my stomach when I realize this was just like the time before. Could it be the guys I date…? On a more serious note… i need to stop doing this to myself, its not worth the emotional damage and I have soo much to give and I have gotten so little in return