forgive my mother

I hadn’t talked to my mother for … a couple of years? Anyway, we went to visit for Christmas. Our daughter got to meet her grandma. Way overdue, but I just couldn’t handle it before then. It’s not open communication quite yet, but it’s a start. They have since exchanged letters, and I’m happy for them. I’m not ready for another meeting. Mum pretty much ignored us, but she was nice to her granddaughter, so that’s a start.

I emailed her yesterday. It wasn’t much, but we hadn’t had any contact for several months. It usually gets me a bit agitated, but it was OK. Then again, I haven’t got a reply yet, and that’s what often sparks the inner voices.

I have to put it on the list so that I remember every now and then. My main way of dealing with family is by denial. I know that’s not healthy, but the times I have tried to face things, I have ended up in counselling. My daughter asks about her other grandma, and I tell her stuff, but they have never met. I have plenty of happy memories from my childhood, so I can tell my daughter happy stories, but I’m not ready to expose her yet.