Stop Picking At My Face

I am very sick. I have a high fever and a sore throat, but at least I don’t feel well enough to stand in front of the mirror!

Wow I did so good and now I feel as if I am back to square one. My face looks awful right now. I totally gave in tonight. what a great start to the new year. I can’t let myself do this. I did too good to give up on myself now.

Wow so I just gave in big time. My face hurts and it is all red and splotchy and a complete mess… UGH. It was like I wanted to stop… but I knew as soon as I stopped I would feel guilty so I just kept on picking so I wouldn’t have to snap out of it. My face has not been looking so great lately. I had some huge painful pimples along my forehead and I just couldn’t keep away. I slowly started to let myself pick in front of the mirror as long as my eyes were closed and eventually that led to today. It just shows that there is NO half-way with this habit. It has to be all or nothing. I need to take this and learn and start breaking this habit again. I stopped for over three weeks last time. If I can do that I can quit for good.

I have been having dreams about picking!! I always wake up full of disappointment in myself and then I have a rush of relief because I realize I didn’t actually pick. I have been sort of picking though… not like I used to, but when I’m not looking at a mirror I feel and scratch and squeeze at my face. This doesn’t really result in anything which is good because it doesn’t satisfy me the way it did before, but still I need to stop that too if I want to be rid of the habit completely.

Tonight is the end of the THIRD week I have gone without picking!! This a huge step for me. There is research that says it takes three weeks to break a habit. Even though that is true I still don’t feel I have entirely broken it, but coming three whole weeks makes me feel confident that I CAN break it and I WILL break it. I think this has been more than a bad habit for me. And even though I can truthfully I say I have not stood in front of mirror to pick for the past three weeks… I have not stopped feeling the bumps on my face and rubbing them and irritating them. This is the next step… to stop that!! One thing I am a little disappointed about is my pimples have not disappeared. I think I had the belief that my skin really wasn’t bad and that the only reason I had the red marks was because I picked at invisible things and that made the skin bad. Now blackheads and white heads are springing up everywhere… maybe everywhere is an exaggeration. You do have to look close to see them and they aren’t everywhere… Maybe it has to do with my skin being out of wack after the sudden change from picking to not picking. Probably the more likely reason is that I AM a teen and I will just have to deal with it. BUT on the upside my skin looks fantastic compared to the red marks I had from picking. I no longer feel like i have to hide for pictures. Well, here starts WEEK FOUR. No giving in now!

Wow, I can’t believe I have made it two weeks. It’s getting easier and easier to not pick and I don’t have to concentrate on it all of my waking hours. Still, I can’t let my guard down yet. My skin is not looking amazing but I am telling myself I don’t care. I think that my skin is healing from on all the pinching and squeezing I have done to it in the past four years. I think it will take awhile for my skin to look better. Still, my skin looks TONS better than when I pick at it. I am so happy with my progress!

I finally did it! I didn’t touch my face for an entire week!!! I am SO happy. First time I have gone more than a week in the past four years. My skin is looking tons better already. Now I’m going to focus on keeping my hands away from my face for another week. I think this is the time I will finally break this habit for good!

So it has now been five days and my skin looks so much better. I’m so happy!!! I have a deal with my sister since she is also trying to break a bad habit. If she does hers then she gives me $1 and if I pick my face I give her $1. Each day the price goes up. I’m hoping this will help when I get that strong impulse to pick and it is so hard not to. In the four years that I have had this habit I have not been able to go a week without doing it. I always break at the week. I can’t do that this time. I think if I can make it past one week it will get easier again. I just have to think of all the reasons why I want to stop and I have to think of losing $7! Wish me luck.

Well I made it through the day! The first time in a long time. I am going to do this!

Okay, this habit has gotten way out of control. I have to stop doing this. I could be so pretty if I didn’t pick at my face. I don’t really have acne, like the occasional pimple but mostly I just squeeze at stuff that isn’t even there. It’s gotten worse too. It’s getting harder for me to stop. I think it has been five years since I started…. that is crazy. Five years too long. I think the first step to getting rid of this is to admit it to someone so they can help me through. Doing this myself won’t work b/c eventually I will feel the urge to do this and not stop myself. I need to stop doing this. It haunts me every day. The longer I let this get out of control the harder it will be to quit, as I have found out already. I have to have it in me to stop. I need to stop. It is messing up my life.