Lose 30 pounds

I’ve moved to the “lose 50 lbs” group. Hopefully no one is joining me.

Keep up all your good work!

So it’s all over. I have nearly no hair left on my head! It’s very exciting. I think it’s a really amazing step for me toward commitment with this goal. I’m actually excited about exercising between classes on campus! That’s a first.

So. Now that this haircut is done it’s time to really get down to business. I’ve been doing really well so far this week. I’ve taken my lunch with me from home nearly everyday (a 6pts Smart Ones meal) and had a dinner consisting of a soup n’ salad, another Smart Ones, or just veggies and ranch. For now it’s a start; the house is pretty much a mess and I hate bringing new delicious groceries into a gross kitchen. So I’m going to spend my entire day tomorrow cleaning house and doing laundry (and while the laundry’s going I’ll exercise in the gym next to the laundry room).

This is really a first for me. I’m not feeling depressed about losing weight or dreading exercise. I’m looking forward to being tired and sore and hungry because I know I’m bettering myself for a long healthy future.

Starting Weight: 200 lbs
Current Weight: 187 lbs
Goal Weight: 150 lbsTotal Lost: 13 lbs

This has to be possible. Losing weight has to be a feasible process or people just wouldn’t try anymore. Then why is it proving so difficult for me? Granted, I haven’t been trying as hard as I could, but I can’t believe anything in the world could be as frustrating as this. Every day I wake up with a really solid attitude about the whole thing and every day I end up giving up around 8pm. Maybe it’s impossible because I’m a student. Maybe it’s impossible because my boyfriend isn’t tagging along. Maybe it’s because I’m just not meant to be long and lean anymore.

I was driving last week and couldn’t put my finger on what I was feeling. I wasn’t sad, necessarily, and I couldn’t really say I was busy enough to feel tired at 8am. But by nine o’clock I realized I was actually a little depressed, by the definition of the term. I was exhausted, stressed, unexcited by anything, moody, and unable to think about anything except my failures as a dieter.

The day’s events fall into patterns that are so hard to interrupt when your body knows it will satisfy that little poke in your brain that says “give me what I want and you’ll feel great”. I can go all day eating well and when it comes down to it, the food was only healthy by my standards not by a nutritionist’s. I realize this and bolt for the car keys and the nearest Taco Bell. If I already failed during the day, why not satisfy myself for the rest of the night and start anew in the morning?

Exercise is something I’ve been struggling with the most and confused me more than my lack of will with changing my eating habits. I always loved doing active things. Running, crunches, leg lifts, and push-ups were things I actually felt good doing. I get so frustrated now not understanding why it feels like such a burden. Answer?: These were all a part of a daily regime that was all a part a huge organization that I had always been a part of. Dance. Giving up dance entirely ending up being a huge mistake. 6 months, no big thing; it’s not so hard to jump back on the band wagon. Over 3 years? Impossible. My body doesn’t understand what I’m doing to it and doing those once fun activities (running, crunches, etc) on an individualized basis doesn’t agree with my lifestyle at all. I never did them alone anyways. That’s why it’s so difficult now.

I’m getting a major hair cut on Thursday. This is part of my new diet experience. Without any hair on my head (I said “major“) I can’t have any excuses for not using the gym on campus. I can now exercise and shower in between classes without the added and time consuming stress of doing my hair. I was tempted to wait until I lost 20 lbs to go for the short cut (to avoid looking like a massive bowling pin), but when it comes down to it I really don’t care anymore. The only thing I’m worried about is losing weight and ensuring I don’t have a heart attack at 40.

So, here I am embarking on this venture for probably the twentieth time in the last three years. After the first 30 lbs I’ll join the “I need to lose 50lbs” group and go for the final 20lbs. Serenity now!

So, it’s definitely been a while (plenty of months), but I really want to get back into the swing of things. Step 1 was cleaning the house in depth enough to where I felt comfortable eating food I had cooked in my kitchen. Step 2 was only eating food from my house, no fast food or vending machine goodies. Step 3 retrieving aging box of forgotten dance shoes from my parents. Step 4? Dancing for exactly 10 minutes before I felt I may in fact have a stroke.

In reality it’s been about three years since I danced seriously. But for a dancer that’s pretty much forever (especially for your body). Stretching was fun and I think I can at least do that every morning. I’ll try to dance a half an hour every other day and then do strength training at home the other days.

The eating is an entirely different mess. Let’s just say it’s difficult when you live with a “meat and potatoes” kind of boyfriend.

It’s been about 4 months now (since my last entry) and I’m really getting serious about this. The semester is over for me and only have two classes and hopefully two jobs to worry about. I’m planning on joining a gym with my boyfriend, I’m already eating MUCH healthier than ever before, and trying not to eat after 7pm. I managed to lose 10 lbs on vacation (believe it or not…has to be some kind of record) and don’t want to lose that. However, I’ve had to up my total weight loss goal to 50lbs (so that means, after the vacation, I need to lose 40). It’s confusing.

I just want to get it all done (of at least most of it) before the fall semester starts. I’m tired of being the quiet, large, party pooping girl behind the camera. I’d like to be happy to jump in a picture every now and then. =(

Oh yea, current weight: 190 lbs. Bleh.

It’s been a month since I’ve even logged onto 43things because guilt out of not even coming close to completing my goal for weight loss. I not only haven’t lost or retained my weight, but I’ve gained. My trip to Portugal is a little over a month away and I weigh 193lbs. This is such bad news. I am 5’10 and every says “but your tall so it doesn’t matter”. It does though. I can’t fit into most of my clothes that I was so ecstatic to purchase 6 months ago and I feel extremely self conscious in the ones I do fit in. I hate feeling fat and am not used to it (I know “boo hoo, welcome to the club”). But, I think before this point I always called myself fat and felt larger than my friends but now I feel in general, compared to a population I am way over weight. A friend from high school sent me pictures of us at Halloween about six years ago and (as everyone said I would) I could not BELIEVE how thin and toned I was!

I feel there isn’t even hope for me looking like that again and it makes me very sad. I want to feel really attractive again but I don’t want to lose my life to it. I don’t want to become consumed with how much I eat and how good I look, on either end of the weight spectrum.

At this point I need to lose 50lbs to be where I should be for my height, ease of mind, and standards of beauty. And I don’t want to develop diabetes. That really is one my biggest fears about losing weight and I don’t want it to happen to my boyfriend either. We both seem to be in the same rut but only one of us seems to acknowledge the health hazards of obesity and rapid weight gain.

I don’t know. I think I’m really close to hitting the bottom I need to get the inspiration to make a change in my life. We’ll see.

Okay, so not so good this week. I lost half a pound, but that’s pretty wonderful considering how much I ate. I had to go to my mother’s for dinner Friday night and had a rough weekend so I gave in to my habits. But it’s a new week and I’m hoping to do better. As soon as my house is in shape I’ll start my exercise regimine. Unfortunately I have a compulsive tendancies and can’t seem to operate or find the will to start something new until the house is completely spotless. This is also difficult when I don’t keep a clean house normally. So I get overwhelmed by the amount of work it will take to get it clean, end up not doing it, and then all my resolutions end up by the wayside (such as dieting, exercising, and tap dancing)...

Alright. So I decided my free day has to be on Saturday. It will be physically impossible for me to go through an entire day (that I’m not at work) to not binge a little. That doesn’t show much for my will power, but at least I can admit that and work it into my plan. I lost 6 lbs this week. Probably a record first week loss, but I know alot of it is water weight. Either way, I’m quickly descending from the 180’s and will soon enough be in the 170’s again. Then the real loss starts. Those 30lbs are the hardest. BUT I feel really good about this year and my stamina, so I think it will happen. I’m not expecting miracles. I know this could take me an entire year. I’m fine with that. BUT I would like to lose at least 20 pounds by spring break (March 16). SO that’s my small initial deadline.

I really can’t imagine how good it’s going to feel to get down to my goal weight and put on well fitting clothes and feel good about myself. I can’t wait. Ahh….soon enough.

It’s definitely been a rough couple of starter days, but I think I’m hangin’ in there pretty well considering my normal eating habits. I’m doing alot of extra stuff to keep myself busy and keep my mind occupied. Lots of cleaning around the house (completely neccessary ANYWAYS), book reading, and list making. I’m a list freak so this works out well.

I feel pretty good about things so far. The second I plunged my food portions down I felt three years healthier, which is my second favorite part of the weight loss process (1st place goes to “Lookin’ Good”). Lots of fresh veggies with some ranch, yogurts in the morning, fresh fruit, and Smart Ones for larger meals. I curbed my snacking tendencies with those 100 calorie snack packs and fat free microwave popcorn.

So far so good. My only two components with the “Weight Watchers/Destiny Diet” is that I allow myself one day of wiggle room. Not a COMPLETE day of scarfing chaos. I weigh myself on Sunday mornings and then allow the rest of the day to eat without so much precaution. This works well because I’m usually on a high from my small amount of weight loss and the food that I eat that day is usually worked off and then some by the next week. My boyfriend is also onto this and it’s worked well for both of us in the past.

sigh only two more days of this and then I get a small 24 hour break.

Ok. So I started this goal summer of ‘06, lost about 20 pounds and then fell off the bandwagon once classes started up again. I gained it back and then some, of COURSE. That’s only supposed to make me more motivated though…somehow.

I now weigh around 190 lbs (on a 5’10 frame) and have a goal weight of 145 lbs. So…that puts my weight loss goal at a total of 45 lbs. BUT for the sake of nostalgia and posterity I am keeping my goal on the “Lose 30 Pounds” page.

SO this goal goes into effect on January 16. Why? Because I’m giving myself the holiday weekend to gear up and psych myself up for something I know will be royal pain in booty at FIRST but hopefully will become a lifestyle and an ENJOYABLE one at that!

I’m doing this for many reasons: I seem to be growing a size a day, which means all the really great clothes I bought for my once thin body are less than desirable to have one for more than hour. I’m a musician and can’t afford to keep buying new dress clothes every month. I need to stay slim to save money.

There’s a lovely hereditary history of obesity in my family which I plan to NOT fall into under any circumstances.

I’m only 20. I’ve never drank (as in alcohol), don’t smoke, and will never turn to recreational drugs. My only vice is food, but at my age being so overweight isn’t an option if I plan on keeping my fella around. These are the pictures I’m supposed to look back on when I’m 40 and gasp about how thin I was. NOT gonna happen at 190 lbs.

Here I go…

FIT! FIT! FIT!