trust

I had forgotten about this site. When I came back to re-read the entires I had written more than a year ago, I was shocked to see how much I have really grown. My trust in people has grown to a decently sized….watermellon???
I still have those few friends in my life I could tell anything and everything too and I have learned it is quantity over quality. Nothing says friendship more than someone who will answer my phone call at 3 in the morning. There are a few “friends” in my life that would look right at the phone and go right back to sleep.
These past few years I have let my guard down to a select few and it is difficult each time I do, but if i cannot trust them with my thoughts they cannot trust me with thiers.
I actually let a guy in, and it was the worst and bext thing that ever happened to me. I learned not to open up and pour out my feelings, but i also cannot keep them all in. He tore my heart out and it hurt twice as bad because I had never let a guy in before, but while we dated I grew and matured. I became stronger and the stength just keeps building.

I have come a loooong way since i wrote this entry.. since about 2 years ago.. i had a hard time trusting people because i had just moved to a whole new state… and i had no friends.. i became paranoid and wanted to make friends so maybe the paranoia would stop.. but it grew..i didnt trust anyone that crossed my path because the paranoia became overwhelming..i didnt know what to do.. so i did the only thing i knew how.. i changed.. it took 2 long years to start.. and i have only gotten as far as to trusting my immediate family.. i have one good freind that i know no matter what immature situation comes upon us.. i can trust her no matter what…but its a hard thing to do.. and im wanting to know how do i let that guard down that i build and build before i let it overwhelm me and im stuck in a box??? i think i have realized i dont trust people because i have a control problem.. since i only trust myself i want to be able to control their emotions so i know that they are truthfull.. if that makes any sense to you people then i would love your interpretaion so i can understand it a little more clearer… ha thanks

oh boy is this the most hardest thing i think i will ever have to do.. i cant trust a single person on this planet except for my younger brother… i have plenty of friends, but i cant tell a soul my problems.. so i either keep them to myself, or tell my brother the appropriate issues. How can i just let go and begin to trust? Many of my so called friends have let me down, talk behind my back, sleep with a guy i liked, or just lie. And i always find out. They also have told secrets that i wish they would have kept secret. Guys have kept me from trusting also. I wish i could do it…