be in love

my ex came back into town from Iraq and we hooked up. he was the guy who broke my heart repeatedly for like 5 months. it’s been two years since I’ve really seen him but the moment I do my heart falls all over itself. I still love him after all this time… I dun know what to do. I wish I could be with him but I dun think he wants me for anything more then a lay. that’s all I was before… what should I do?! the pic is him over in Iraq

My crush has stopped really calling me. I know it’s to be expected, it’s not like I’m really single because I still have chris hanging on. But this has been dead for months and I want to move on. It’s even harder because we have our son, but don’t I deserve some happiness too? It’s like all I am is Brydon’s mom. Yeager understood this but since he’s chris’s friend he’ll probably never call me again… I feel like my heart is breaking from the pain of disapointment again. My postpartum deprsssion has really peaked. I’ve even started cutting again… all I want is to love and be loved in return. Cheezy I know, but sometime Disney gets it right.
xoxo

I hate my boyfriend, there I said it. I wish I could just leave, I know the only reason I’m still with him is because of my baby. I don’t regret him at all, but I really wish things were different. I never wanted to stay with Chris, it was only supposed to be fun. I want to be with someone that I can love forever, someone who I connect with. God… I actually kinda like his friend Yeager… I’m going to Hell.

There have been quite a few times that I thought I was in “love”, but each time I failed to recieve that person’s whole heart. I’ve had my heart broken a couple times to the point of suicide. Now what?