Improve my self-esteem

Because I find it a challenge dealing with people. I think I’m also more sensitive than most people that is why I perceive pain more than average.

So today, I dealt with a person with ego issues. She berated me for being too honest (that what I said embarrassed her). And she even condescendingly told me that I should not post embarrassing remarks in the social networking website.

What should I do? Hmm… I have so many things to do than to dwell on this. If I would be ostracized for being me, let it be. I think my being too frank (yet tactful) has been a perennial problem. I think I’m also too clumsy for public speaking… It’s a learning lesson.

Authenticity serves my soul well… but not for the public. It’s a big theater out there.

I sense this yoga club is getting a bit competitive.

I want to be better but I need to have the discipline to practice often. Yes, there’s a lot of work but I should make time.

I’ll just be myself. I don’t need to prove anything.

No matter what they say about you, it is you who decide if you let them destroy you.

At first I feel my ego crumble as they look down at me. I am worthless, I am stupid…. And they have to rub it on my face. They will make me feel that I am nothing.

They are feelings after all. I am not worthless, I am not stupid… I am my own person. I am not afraid that this person will take my dignity. I am not afraid of whatever this person thinks of me. He or she is free to do or think whatever they want to but they can not destroy me.

I have gone a long way from where I’ve been to slump to where I am right now. This may have a reason. It could be a sign that I should pay attention to my heart’s desires… What I really want to do in life. Life is too short just for me to be a slave for work and keeping up to somebody’s standards.

Om Sahana Vavatu Sahanau Bhunaktu
Sahaveeryam Karavavahai
Tejas Vinavati Tamastuma vidhwishavahai
Om Shanti Shanti Shantihi

Last night was rather quite sad. Even after I said this prayer I encountered violence. I felt sorry for myself… I shouldn’t.

I should congratulate myself for being ever-smiling sincerely last Sunday during my rounds. It really feels light and I feel the strength within being confident.

My next project is to be able to carry myself well during stressful situations. I wish I’ll have the grace and wit to overcome such.

My friend, Jennifer, told me that her friend, Hedy, described me as an “intellectual.”

I just have to accept that there are some people who just don’t give a damn about everything. Their ambivalence should not affect me as a person. I am who I am and I will not feel sorry for myself. Quiver.

More people notice that I look like this young actress. Even one asked to take a photo with him.

I know I am my own self… that I should not be compared to others because all of us are unique. But hey, a little comparison could sometimes help. ;-)

In the community of yoga practitioners, my former friends were there… I’ve read a post that was addressed to all my colleagues except me.

I’ve felt it. Could this be karma (since I was honest about my comment about the venue)? Sometimes social networking sites make me lonelier. Things become more transparent and people are too.

So if I feel more alone in this world, I shouldn’t change the way I am. I want to do more good. If they don’t like me, I can’t help it.

I went home after 2 beers, some hi’s and hellos. I know happiness is what you make out of a situation. But I felt alienated. They all have their own groups and there was only 1 person who talked to me.

My friends… I wondered… aren’t really my friends at all. I don’t know.