Improve my self-esteem

More people notice that I look like this young actress. Even one asked to take a photo with him.

I know I am my own self… that I should not be compared to others because all of us are unique. But hey, a little comparison could sometimes help. ;-)

In the community of yoga practitioners, my former friends were there… I’ve read a post that was addressed to all my colleagues except me.

I’ve felt it. Could this be karma (since I was honest about my comment about the venue)? Sometimes social networking sites make me lonelier. Things become more transparent and people are too.

So if I feel more alone in this world, I shouldn’t change the way I am. I want to do more good. If they don’t like me, I can’t help it.

I went home after 2 beers, some hi’s and hellos. I know happiness is what you make out of a situation. But I felt alienated. They all have their own groups and there was only 1 person who talked to me.

My friends… I wondered… aren’t really my friends at all. I don’t know.

Katrina complimented me that I look like Piggy… By the way I dress! I think it’s just the clothes that he gave to me.

Javier joked about me dressing up better when Piggy is not around. He noticed I looked better with glasses on. I looked like Lisa Loeb or Daria!

I wish I could share this with Piggy… If only he’s listening.

Finally I was convinced. My friend told me last night that she was wondering how I was still able to get clients in spite of my shabby appearance. She recommended me to have my hair fixed.

At $40, I got my wiry hair straightened, my uneven cut looking very much ok.

Now I’m waiting for my hair to grow longer so I can have my favorite hairstylist fix it.

I feel so good!

I was surprised that even my friend took the side of the person who tried to put me down. But I’ll put this on record: I WILL NOT LET ANYONE DESTROY ME.

I will have a stronger sense of self. I will prove to all of them that I can’t be pushed around, maligned, or make me less of a person. They could say whatever they want, all of their dirty tactics and cheap and sublime reasoning. Let them be!

I will not bow down to them. I will not give them the benefit that I got affected adversely.

One day they will eat all their words and suffocate on them.

WHAT DOES NOT KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER.

I dreamed about being scolded and ostracized because I stumbled upon my friend who was going down the stairs. I literally fell onto the body of my friend, pinning her down.

I was crying in shame. I felt that I had commited a crime. No one cared for me. I felt like an outcast.

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Analysis: My friend is very pretty. She’s popular. When I ‘blemished’ her, my fault has magnified because I am not pretty.

This is the stigma that has embedded in my psyche since I was little.

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Resolve: This perception should change. I AM WORTHY. I AM NOT UGLY. I DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED. I WILL BECOME MORE CONFIDENT.

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Action: I went to a salon for a makeover (though not drastic). I took a rebond and hot oil treatment. My hair wasn’t as wavy and unruly as before. I also had a haircut. I feel great!