I’m 19 and in college. I take a full load of classes and get okay grades; I study a lot but I also party a lot. I don’t work and my parents give me enough money to live very comfortably. Part of me wants to grow up; quit the worrying about what others think about me, ace out of college and get a good career. But the other part of me says, hey, your 19 and in college, you don’t have to grow up yet. I still want to have fun.
On a deeper level though, I’m insecure. I can’t let go of things that happened to me in the past. I do like myself for the most part, but there’s parts of me I hate and wish I could change. I’m not aggressive enough, I let other people decide things for me. Making new friends is tough because I have to let them get to know the real me, and I don’t even know the real me. I’m inconsistent, and lazy sometimes too. I’ve never even had a girlfriend before – I flirt and hook up and get numbers, but ultimately I just can’t let myself get too close to people. These are because of my past and my childhood, and I’ve come far, but I really just need to get the hell over my past, accept the person I am (which is not a bad person) and just fucking relax and let people get to know me.
