Stand up for myself more often

I feel like I should have stood up for myself in this situation…

Today I went to the pool here at my apartments. The last time I went the gate was open. Today it was locked. You have to have a passcard to get into it, apparently. When I moved in the manager told me I’d need one for the game room and tanning beds if I wanted to use them. Anyway, I get there and since it was locked I asked someone to let me in. A kid came and opened it for me, and in a little bit I had to run home and get a couple of things and asked the kid if he would open the gate again when I got back. He said yes, and here in a minute his mom came to the gate as I was leaving and said “Can I ask you a question, are you here with someone?” I said no…she asked me if I lived there. I said yes… well by this time I realized that it was one of the people who work in the office. She then said “You’re Shawsha, aren’t you?” and I said yes…she proceded to tell me that if I wanted to use the pool that I needed to buy a passcard because they wanted to make sure that the people in the pool were tenants. Ok that’s understandable, but HELLO she knew who I was, why was she giving me a hard time about it? She said that she’d have someone open the gate when I came back but that she wouldn’t do it again if I didn’t get a card. Anyway she made me feel inferior, like I had no right to be at the pool.

And I find it a bit ironic that she doesn’t live in the apartments.

Christmas is coming, I have my mom’s side and my dad’s side of the family that want to spend Christmas with me. My dad wasn’t in my life until I was 16, so me and my mom’s side of the family always spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day together and have a strong tradition of it. So suddenly my dad’s side expects me to change everything and spend Christmas Eve with them. Now I have to clear up that my dad and step-mom understand that I want to spend Christmas Eve with my mom’s family so we always make another time to get together. But the grandparents on my dad’s side…. they just think that I should skip or cut short my traditional thing, and then seem to try and make me feel guilty. So I never get to spend enough time with my mom’s side and it’s the only day in the year that the WHOLE family gets together, and I just love it. SOOOO this year I’m only spending Christmas eve at my granny’s with my mom’s side because that’s what I want to do, it’s what I love, my favorite day of the whole year. And although my dad and step-mom and brother and sisters will get together with me, the rest of that side of the family will just have to get over it. I don’t think I should have to cut short my favorite day of the year just so I can please some people who weren’t in my life for 16 years and then expect for ME to make up for lost time.

There is this guy that I used to chat with online, we thought about dating but then for whatever reason I freaked out and didn’t want to, he seemed like he wanted to go right into a full blown serious relationship, and I just freaked. Pretty much now he says I treated him like shit, although I just tried to tell him that I didn’t want to date him and he didn’t seem to get it. This has been close to a year ago, and I’ve tried to stay friends with him but he always brings up that situation out of nowhere. He told me that I don’t show normal human emotions, and then when I pointed out to him what he said, he told me that I said it first. If I try to carry on a normal conversation, he is sarcastic and mean. It all got to be that way when I dated someone else.
Tonight I tried to be nice and say hi, again he was a sarcastic asshole. He told me that I never apologized for what I did, so I said that I was sorry and he wouldn’t accept it because he didn’t think I’d really sincerely try to be his friend. That I didn’t want to put the effort into it. And you know, he’s right. He’s not the kind of person that I want to be friends with.
So I blocked him from my messenger and from myspace.
Guess that was the last time I had to have that same old accusing, sarcastic asshole of a conversation, huh?

But I have definitely changed my mindset. Why should I let people walk on me? I shouldn’t. The next time someone pisses me off they’re gonna know about it.