get a haircut

I hate getting a haircut so much, I’m pretty much down to once a year. Round about June. As soon as it starts to get really hot. When I can’t stand it sticking to my face and the back of my neck any more, I finally run to the nearest Supercuts and have them chop it all off. Then I end up hating it so much that I just let it grow and grow and grow until it gets hot again the following year.

So here I am in January, and I haven’t gotten my hair cut since last May. It looks stupid and ugly, but it’s not hot out, so I’ll probably keep putting off getting it cut until the hot weather rolls around again.

It really looks bad though.

it’s very short….........

it will grow out….........

easy to deal with…........

looks awful…...........

makes me look like a man….......

We should all just be bald. I hate the idea of hair. Why do we grow hair on the top of our heads? It’s just such an endless bother. Maybe I should just chuck it all and become a Buddhist nun and shave my head. That sure would simplify my life!

I got my hair cut very short yesterday. Remind me never to go to Supercuts again. “Don’t just cut it the same length all over” I told my torturer. “Can you make it sort of a wedge, with it longer out here at the sides, and then very short at the neckline? It’s getting hot out, I don’t want anything on my neck.” “Oh, sure” she said, and then proceeded to blithely cut it very short all over. “There you go, a wedge” she said proudly.

Right.

A bowl-shaped wedge.

I am just waiting for someone to call me “sir”.

Still haven’t gotten it cut. Now it’s so long that I have to start holding it back somehow or it gets in my eyes, which means I have to spend some time every morning futzing with it. I chopped off a bit in front, but I still have to do something with the rest of it or it just poofs out in this big gnarly fuzzball.

I hate having to spend any time at all on my hair in the morning. But it just doesn’t look good short-short-short any more. Especially since now that I’ve gotten a bit pudgy and somewhat shapeless in my middle age, and have to wear an extremely unnatractive, ill-fitting uniform at work. Between my pudgy shapelessness, the ill-fitting uniform, and my aging androgynous face, short hair now makes me look a bit like that Pat character from SNL. Yikes! I really don’t care all that much about my looks, but I do care a little bitty bit – and I don’t want to look freaky. Is that so shallow of me?

Right now I’m letting the front curl forward and holding the rest back with a thin plastic headband. It’s not a bad look for the moment. But that’ll change as soon as it grows just a little bit longer. And it takes way too long to get it looking like something an adult should have on her head in the morning.

Why aren’t we all just bald?

It’s curly and unruly and never listens to me. Good haircuts are too expensive, and I hate going into those salon-things. I break out in hives at the sight of beautification equipment. I can’t stand having someone else wash my hair for me, it completely creeps me out, and they always get shampoo in my ears. I will only go someplace like Supercuts where it’s cheap and they don’t wash your hair for you, you do it yourself in the privacy of your own home before you go. But at Supercuts you never know what kind of haircut you’ll get. Nobody seems to know how to cut curly hair. Sometimes I’m lucky, sometimes I’m not. You just never know. Also I’m starting to get sadly ugly as I get older, and getting a new haircut just makes this more painfully obvious. Being a girl with a somewhat androgynous face can be kind of cute when you’re 20, but it’s not so cute when you’re 47 and losing your shape and if your hair is too short people keep calling you “sir”. But long curly hair looks stupid on me and is impossible to take care of. I just can’t win. But I do seriously need to get my hair cut.