publish my novel

After nearly two years of struggling to get an agent’s attention, it finally happened: I have an agent. According to my “personal challenge”, I still have about 300 days to sell this book, or else I have to give up and get a real job. Will it really happen? I hope so, but who can ever say?

...lest anyone think I gave up this goal. I spent the summer revising, and since september I’ve been querying literary agents again. Got a few nibbles: I’m currently being read by about five people, and waiting to hear back from all of them.

My feeling now is I’ve done the best I can with this manuscript. No, it isn’t perfect, but it’s as tight as I can get it without a partner. A lot of people have told me the premise is intriguing and the writing is terrific, BUT—it’s not for them. I’ve revised and revised and revised again, and now, all that’s left for me to do is QUERY WIDELY.

Basically, I’m going to keep sending it out, perhaps for the rest of my life, until SOMEONE decides it is for them.

I may not ever get published, or even find representation, but no one will be able to say it’s because I gave up.

rejections in the past couple of days. Guess the ms wasn’t as ready as I thought it was.

Unfortunately, she isn’t a literary agent. But she is in the “bizz,” and she promised to pass it along to a very reputable lit agent. Here’s hoping!

I got a teensy hint of what may turn out to be good news this morning. Please cross fingers for me!

I sent out a small batch of queries yesterday and today. Got home from dinner tonight and guess what! A request for a partial! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

This is the first request I’ve had that was inspired by a cold query letter, as opposed to a personal reference. AND it was from an agent who had rejected my original query six months ago. Sooooo… I guess the new query letter is an improvement!

This is all happy making.

Bah. For those keeping track at home, I was supposed to send off my next round of queries by Feb 1st. And Lo, it is now Feb 15th, and have they gone out? No.

The first week of delay was genuinely necessary—there were some final touches that simply couldn’t be rushed. But now? I think I’m just dragging my feet in terror.

I don’t know. I’ve been rereading the MS for the past couple days, hunting for typos, making whatever tweaks are necessary before the thing goes out. And… ugh. What struck me as totally inspired last week is now making me cringe.

Last week I was totally, completely sure that this version was much better than the previous. I worked so hard on it, and a slew of people have read the beginning (most important for catching an agent’s interest) and given me really positive feedback. I was just starting to feel like I had learned my lessons, fixed my mistakes, and everything was going to be different this time.

And now? I’ve lost it. Nothing has changed, but somehow everything I’ve written looks banal and desultory now, plus I’m panicking that my main character is totally unsympathetic. In other words, not the kind of problems that can be fixed with a little tweaking, or even a major overhaul. Problems that cut to the very center of the book.

Am I finally seeing the MS for what it really is? Or is this just ordinary last-minute jitters? I honestly can’t tell.

Now I’m up to at least four people who have asked/agreed to see pages from me. But I have I sent anything off? No.

I’m definitely getting better at networking (which has never been my strong suit), but I’m still terrified of hitting send. I don’t know, last time I sent out queries I convinced myself that it was only round one. If things didn’t go well, I’d pick myself up and try again. This time? I feel the weight of doom hanging over me, like if I fuck this up, that’s it, it’s all over.

I need someone to remind me that there are always second chances.

Just got another random nibble on the book. A poet I met at a writer’s group (who hasn’t read one word of my writing) just offered to send a few chapters to his friend who happens to be Jonathan Safran Foer’s publicist.

Do publicists have any actual sway in what gets published? I’m guessing no, but still. This feels karmically like a good thing, like I’m starting to get signals. I already have a couple people waiting on the MS thanks to one friend, and another agent friend of mine agreed to look at it. So it’s all starting to add up…

I’m strongly getting the sense that, when I do get my book deal, it’s going be through some weird connection like that, a friend of a friend or something, rather than a cold query. Is this just magical thinking? Or is it because I suspect my query letter sucks?

Well, it’s that, but more than that too. I think I come off pretty well in person, at least to a certain kind of audience. Example: even though I haven’t given this writing group anything of mine to read, a few of them told me after class that I “must be a really good writer.” Just because of how I talk!

I don’t actually believe that being a good talker necessarily implies writing ability. Still, I’ll take what compliments I can get. The point is, I think people who meet me in person are more likely to give my writing the benefit of the doubt, because they think, “oh, she’s smart, her book’s probably not bad.” Whereas, people who read my crapass query letter just think, who’s this fucking dip?

Anyway, point is, I feel like something’s gonna happen for me this time around, like maybe I’m ready now. (And I know that’s touchy-feely bullshit to the nth degree, but it’s what I need to tell myself to make myself get up in the morning, okay?)

Yay!

Now all I have to do is hurry up and finish the damned thing. ARGH. Anyone have any magic anti-procrastination charms?