take a deep breath (it'll be ok)

I’ve been very moody lately. Happy as larry (who the hell’s this Larry we keep comparing ourselves to? PK ) one minute and absolutely gnarling my teeth the next. People. Aaaaghhhh. I think I need to take a deeeeeeep breath each time I get annoyed by someone and let the nastiness ebb away. Also, I tend to imagine people as being more….calculating than they actually are. I don’t think people mean to get my back up, or really care either way. However, I have keen defences and a meaner attack and at times, not all the time by a long shot, I get riled easily. Deep breath, exhale, be neutral.

First exam is maths on Tuesday. I don’t feel fully prepared yet but will be fine by Tuesday I’m sure. I have a few important things I really need to (or risk losing med school place) but it’s not imperative these things are done.right.this.minute. I can take a deep breath and get them done next week.

Och. Everything is anxiety provoking. Everything. My employment status (nil), going back to college, the stuff everywhere, my muffin top, people, living back here, OU tutor etc.

Everything feels so messy and fucked up. I don’t know where to start. I’ve been avoiding 43T because it pains me to think about what I want to do, what I can do but am not/will not.

It’s easier to retreat and not do anything. Lame.

So am working on taking a deep breath now. It will be ok.

Anxiety has its’ place when there is a reason for it i.e an event or difficult circumstances to contend with. I don’t have anything to fuel it, it is pointless ergo I need to let it go somehow. Although, writing that first sentence has given me something to ponder.