backpack across europe

So now that I’m getting married, I am becoming grounded. I thought this goal was going to be very hard to come by. My fiance ran into some people who just got back from Ireland and they chatted for a while. It gave him a great idea. We are now saving up money and postponing our honeymoon so that we can travel Europe. Our plan is to take about three weeks during Christmas break next year to backpack a bit. It wont be for the many months I wanted to go for, but it will be worth every moment. Having someone to share the experience with, and being able to do it during the small break in reality we have. I’m very excited, but planning is on the back burner until the wedding is over!

My ambition has depleted a little for this goal because my goals in life are changing. Perhaps I shouldn’t say changing, but developing. I wanted to go to Europe so badly because I had parts of myself and my path I needed to find. And now Some of them have been made clear. I’m ready to go back to school, and I no longer have the desire to be alone while traveling for safety reasons. I still want to go. I’m just not set on seeing the world tomorrow, as I was. I believe I’ll get there. One day.

money is such a significant factor in exploring the world and having great life experiences. I hate that I’m still broke, hate my job, and paused research because I’m so bogged down about my finances. I would have already been there if I could afford it. I hate this depression our economy is falling into and I hate that I’m working long hours for next to nothing. And I hate that people I am good friends with can just call their parents in order to uproot their lives and head some place else. It sucks being middle class. Who am I kidding- I’m not even that.

It seems further and further away everyday. No matter what I seem to do… It doesn’t seem real anymore, which makes me wonder why I left California and the life I had there.

I have to do this. Or I will forever hate myself. This journey MUST happen. And I’m truly trying to do anything I can to get there.

But it doesn’t seem realistic… it’s just a dream right now.

It seems like every time I take a step toward this goal, something happens and I have to take two steps back. Its hard for me to believe that money doesn’t bring happiness, because even a little bit would make life so much easier for me. Not a lot. Just some. I’m so ready to see the world- to explore new options of life. But I’m tired of all these silly things hindering me.

I have to get there. I will. If it’s the last thing I do. If it kills me. I will get there.

I have so many things to focus on while I’m there. And I’m so excited. I have questions about my life that I need to figure out. This isn’t just a trip to see the most beautiful parts of the world. It’s about me. Who am I and what in the world do I honestly and truly want to do with my life. I have a few books I’m taking- workbooks- to help me focus on finding answers. I also have a list of questions I want answered. I can’t seem to find time out here in LA to really pay attention and work on these very, very important questions. So I’m finding that this isn’t just a trip about traveling- I truly am searching for something. It’s a journey for something I can’t even explain yet. I’m not even quite sure what I’m looking for. But I hope I find it.

For anyone who reads this- I’d love your prayers.

So now that I’m planning this trip, I’m having a hard time focusing. I can’t seem to realistically tell myself that I can’t see everything. Because I seem to want to see it all.

I meandered over to the travel section of Barnes & Nobel today. I’m so ready to start planning this trip, and I think that I’m really going to focus on making this happen. My lease ends in September, and I’m mapping out my finances to see if I’ll have enough by then. I really think I’m going to do this. Even if I’m by myself. I’m going to do this.

I made a huge decision the other day and I love it! If my career hasn’t gone anywhere by the time my lease is up, I’m going to pack up and go see Europe. Who knows how long I’ll be traveling, maybe a couple of months….maybe a couple of years. But I’m young enough to do this and still make a life for myself when I get back. It’s about the quality of life…and I’m going to improve mine by traveling. With or without the money. Hell, I’ll stop and get a job for a while somewhere if I need to….I’m so ready!

I’m hoping to do this in the next two years with my sister. There are just too many places I want to travel, I can’t just pick one! Time for saving money!