forgive my old friends

How do you forgive them when you still hold a grudge? How do you feel when someone you care about is always stabbing you in the back because she’s jealous of your personal gain? It’s been good that I’m so far away from her now. She’s hurt me so much and she’s never realized it. I’ve been so worried about her for the last three years that I’ve known her. I feel so bad for her. But I know she’s happy but she’s made me feel miserable. How do you feel when she’s emotionally drained you? How do you feel when she’s the only thing you had and she’s abused you?