be true to myself

I’m finding that, whereas before my first motivation was usually to please others, these days this is not really the case. I’m succeeding in doing what pleases me most of the time. Perhaps I’m feeling less threatened by my environment than I used to. And the good thing is that I know my change in perspective is due to steps that I myself have taken. This makes me feel good about myself and it’s easier to be true to myself when I’m happy.

What I could probably do now is be more outspoken about my beliefs, offer them to people, and not be afraid of being challenged. This would be a real test for me.

I haven’t written anything on this goal for ages. It’s just that, whenever I look at it, I don’t feel like I have anything to add. And I’m not sure if it’s because it’s simply no longer an issue (or, at least, hasn’t been lately) or if I’m not paying enough attention to it. Hmmmm… have to think about that one.

I don’t express my true opinions about things when I’m with people who I think would disagree. Luckily, I don’t take it to the point where I say I like something when I really don’t, or pretend not to like something when I really do. Often I just make some general comment, or change the subject. At some mistaken level I feel like people will like me more if I have the same opinions as them.

I’m getting better at this though, albeit by small increments. You know how sometimes people get a wrong idea about you and it gets entrenched because you fail to deny it? Recently I set the record straight on something (a small thing, but big within the larger picture) and it felt good. Another recent situation where I was proud of myself: I met up with a girl I don’t know very well but didn’t feel the need to be anything but myself. I didn’t feel the need to pretend to know about genetics, or have a great love of Madonna, just because she does. There is a strong sense of freedom, especially when meeting new people, in simply laying your cards on the table and letting the other person make up her own mind, without desiring to influence the process in any way.

My first motivation shouldn’t be trying to please others, but to be true to myself and my beliefs. In social situations, before and during, I need to repeat this like a mantra.