develop my intuition

I’ve had a couple of experiences in the last week or two which have been like red flags alerting me to a certain aspect of my personality that I wasn’t fully aware of before: I often automatically say yes (or no) to things, without thinking them through properly. Maybe it’s because I feel pressured to make a decision right then and there, because I think that’s what’s expected of me, or I think it will hurt someone’s feelings if I don’t. Or maybe I’m just being short-sighted by not giving myself the option of being flexible or change my mind later on.

The first time I did this recently it resulted in me feeling really shit for a couple of days. I felt guilty about having to go back to people and say, “Um, actually….”. I felt like I was letting them down. I also felt incompetant because I should have known better; I should have known that it would have been much more sensible to say “I’ll think about it” right off the bat. I was also worried that backing out after initially saying yes would give the other people (prospective employers) a bad impression of me.

Luckily, despite two days of dragging myself around with a big black cloud over my head, annoying my boyfriend with my doom and gloom attitude, I spoke to the people involved and everybody was really nice and it was all okay. Whew!

But it was a close one. I was lucky it turned out fine. And then I went and did the same thing to someone else (albeit on a smaller scale) a few days later. This is when I realized I needed to

a) pay attention to the little red flag waving and the little voice saying “Look! You’re doing it again!”

b) consciously identify exactly what this little personality tick was

c) think back on my life and see if this had been a repeated pattern that had got me into trouble (it was and it had)

d) make a mental note NOT TO DO IT ANYMORE!

So, thanks intuition! I’m going to really try. My new mantra is:
I’ll think about it!

Recently I had ‘develop my intuition’ as my ‘goal for the day’. I had been feeling confused about a certain subject and felt like I needed to untangle my feelings towards it. I had a strong desire to do nothing but sit down with a pen and paper and spill my guts about it, question myself and my feelings, and get to the bottom of it all. Initially I resisted doing it then and there because usually I set aside a specific time during the month for self-awareness stuff. But then I thought again about what was behind that strong desire and I realized that feeling so amibivalent about that certain subject was affecting my whole mood and outlook and had been doing so for weeks. That evening I sat down with the pen and paper and addressed the issue. Over the next few nights I wrote about ten pages on the subject. Now it’s a subject I know I still have issues with but at least, thanks to listening to my intuition, I have identified those issues and am on the way to accepting them.

I believe in the sixth sense and I believe that everyone has it but that we are not taught how to properly use it, or we forget somewhere along the way. We are saturated with information and options and that makes the decision-making process become more difficult. I tend to create (often arbitrary) rules and systems for myself so that I don’t have to make a new decision each time. But this lack of re-evaluation means I get stuck in stale old thought patterns.

I think development of intuition is an extremely important part of personal evolution. Not using it is like not using an arm or a leg, even though it’s there and accessible. I need to get into a good habit of listening to my intuition and then it should become stronger, more effective and more a part of my life. Developing my intuition will help me to understand myself and my motivations better and help me be more equipped to act in my own best interests, not blindly, naively, or robotically.

These are things I’m going to try and do:

• If I have a very strong desire for something I want to try and determine the reasons for the desire and act as I see fit. If the desire is not ‘harmful’ (i.e. a desire to shoot up heroin and then have unprotected sex with many anonymous partners) then I should go with it because it’s a sign that that is something I truly need right now.

• Continue to consciously identify my feelings on a daily basis and when I have to make difficult decisions, in order to get used to listening to my inner voice.

• Develop my discriminatory abilities: identify my opinions and feelings about things and ask questions of myself as to why I feel this way.

• Learn from my experiences without getting to the point where I think I know everything about everything.

• Use my intellect to gain information and to formulate good plans of action.

• Be receptive to signs and signals from the outer world; hear what god is saying.

• Practise identifying whether or not desires of the moment are harmonious within my larger plan.