Stop caring what other people think of me

I don’t think this goal will ever leave this list, partly because I think it’s something that I’ll always have to monitor. It’s not as simple as just saying “I don’t care what anyone thinks”. So much depends on the people and the situation.

The important thing is to find a balance. I used to really admire people who just did whatever they wanted without taking anyone else’s opinion into consideration. But now I see that in some situations that can be pretty inconsiderate.

What this goal is, in essence, is learning to value my inner voice above everything else, and not always looking to other people to legitimise my decisions.

It’s mainly to do with self-confidence, I think. I’m so much more confident than I was a year ago and this has helped me to care a lot less. I’m not going to mark this goal as completed yet though because I want to be sure it’s at least a semi-permanent improvement. And it still helps me sometimes, when people are being less than supportive, to repeat the title of this goal to myself like a mantra.

I certainly seem to care less what people I don’t know think of me. These days, when I notice myself caring a lot what people think it’s been people whose opinions I genuinely do and should value: my boyfriend, my boss… I don’t have a problem with that sort of caring. I think, specifically, I don’t want to be affected by the opinions of people who either a) I don’t know, or, b) are trying to undermine me in some way and/or are not letting me be myself.

I spent the last few months of 2005 travelling and, since I got back, I’m feeling much more confident. I think that, without fully realizing it, I’d reached a bit of a low point confidence-wise, and getting out into the world, away from the familiar, gave me some much-needed perspective. The world is so much bigger than the few people and places I see every day. In a new environment I was able to define myself in new ways, not just against the barometer of the people I know at home. I was able to really see myself as an individual, whereas before I had often judged myself in relation to others.

These feelings have remained since I’ve returned and with any luck, will continue to reinforce themselves (feeling more confident leads to… feeling more confident!) I just don’t seem to care so much about what other people think of me. It’s not like I don’t care at all, but definitely much less. I feel much happier and am excited about the things I’m doing, the things that make me me. I feel like I’m on the right track.

I think it helps just to have the goal there, have my attention on it. I know I’m not going to change overnight, but I have been feeling a little better lately. My caring too much is all bound up with lots of other issues that I need to work on, but as soon as I identified them as goals, a little weight lifted and I think I have been caring a little less about what people think. I also think that it’s something that gets easier as you get older, so it can only get easier, right?

I’ve got a plan. As soon as I start stressing too much about what I think someone is thinking about me, I will:

1. Tell myself to relax

2. Tell myself to release the idea that this person/people influences my life.

3. Remind myself to be myself.

4. Tell myself to be honest and open.

5. Remind myself of my good qualities and achievements.

Today I tried to use this around my boyfriend’s parents. Being myself certainly resulted in slightly more volatile conversation, at least on my part! I’m just sick of censoring myself all the time around them, just because we have differing opinions. And I still felt kind of stressed by the end of the visit but I’m hoping it’s just PMS…