paradiary

it’s kinda of hard to give a title to this entry.
I will just write down what has been on my mind these days

People are not stupid, some are deceptive, some are not.

It is definitely right to stay away from listening to other people’s personal stuff. These is never a right or wrong.

I don’t know why, but people, do like me. Maybe for some reasons I haven’t realized yet.

It is ok to feel down, and act negatively as well. Due to various constraints, it is ok. I had sleeping difficulties for a month, and I had felt quite down for the past several months. But it is all OK.The important thing is that it will all turn around now!!

I just been through some important exam.
Feeling released now!
Heck with the exam.
I will start living from the moment I wake up tomorrow.
I will dress in the best I can from tomorrow
Dear future Mr. Right, here I come!

I fear many things.
I fear of the coming exam
I fear that I will gain weight
I fear no one will like me
I fear that my finance is going to broke
I fear that he/she doesn’t approve of me
I fear the pain that I will suffer when I go to the dentist
I fear the bacon I’m eating will give me carcinogens
I fear the bread I chose was too expensive
I fear I may not have enough time to go through all the words
I fear that I may have enough time to go through yet I don’t utilize it
I fear of my potential success and the coming potential success.
I am afraid of so much!
But why not turn it around?
Why not trust?
Why not go with the flow and be flexible

There is a part of me that is so afraid of comparision.
She is whiter than me
She is in a relationship
She is funnier than me

But after all, am I　looking at the truths or am I just scared by the illusion people creat?

I want to be invisible, yet I want to stand out.
I want to attract people, yet I want to be left undisturbed.

I want to go back home in April so bad
Yet, I am not sure about the coming exam.
It may be a little bit late, maybe.
Or maybe it is about the perfect time.

I wanted to cry when I heard my mom was suffering pain.
I held it as I always do.
I held my emotions and instead talked more as I always did.

Do I?
I talked to dad, even he said I had it.
I see the world, but I only see black and white.
What can I do?
Do I suit the world?
Will I survive nicely one day?

I want to ramble about everything.
I moved to this new place now,share the washroom with another guy.
I’ve been cooking the past 2 days.
My stomach is expanding,as it is hard for me to feel full when I am supposed to,and I ate so much fruits and vegetables.I think my landlord will be shocked to see how much I can actually handle.
I always want to write something down,but instead,I always go for the food.
I hope this entry will mark a new phase of my life.
I cooked lots of vegetables today with some pork,it tastes amazing.
Beans,potatoes,cauliflower,pork,mushroom,spices.
I love the soup.
I don’t think I will gain weight,though.
But the thing is that I need to lose weight,and I need to focus on something solid rather than thinking about eating all day long.

Sometimes,I feel like I have nothing,and anyone in the world is in better situation than I am.
But,is this true?
Absolutely not!

总是太认真
我人生中最大的一次震撼
最大的一次改变

从来没有对他人这样热情过
因为我彻底被自己的想象感动，震撼了！！

普通的习俗，普通的善意
被我理解成是带着政治意义的大爱，大友善。

我把他们想复杂了
我被想象中的他们感动了
在各种沉思反省后
我改变了

但是呢
除了一颗受伤的心 还有什么呢？

but it is a good lesson learnt.
Never focus,never reserve your energy for the best.
The best will fail you.
Social circle should be large and diversified.