Quit Smoking

I went about 40 hours without a cigarette… and then I cracked. It was disheartening, but surprisingly, I can’t even imagine smoking the amount I used to (pack a day) anymore. I’m at about 5-7 a day, which is still too many, but a vast improvement.

My boyfriend and I struck a deal. I can smoke when he’s not around. How many could I possibly fit into 5 hours a day? And with this FREEZING weather, I fight those cravings as hard as I can. The smoking bans in this area have turned out to be a blessing.

Another thing, I’ve found that mornings following nights of heaving drinking sans cigarettes are tolerable, perhaps even pleasant. I never would have guessed that my hangovers were mostly due to chain-smoking.

I ordered Allens book, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Yay me!

I’m trying this quit thing again. I wish I could say it’s because I want to, but instead I’m being forced into a nicotine-free lifestyle by smoking bans and an ultimatum-slinging boyfriend. Instead of being excited about the prospects of a fatter wallet and greatly improved health, I’m finding myself resentful of everyone pushing me through this miserable withdrawl. Thats got to be the detox talking, right?

‘They’ say that someday I wont want a cigarette. When will this be? Its only been two days (yes, I know its far too soon to expect a decrease in my cravings), but if I never wanted to quit in the first place, will I ever agree with them? Someday, will I thank my boyfriend and this municipal legislation? Or will I always remember smoking as a now-forbidden pastime of mine… something I once enjoyed.

I fully understand the cons of smoking. I do believe that I can quit. I want to quit for my loved ones, but I also want to quit because I feel ready to. The new smoke-free me should be proud, not resentful. So how do I get excited about quitting???

Help me I’m going insane.