stop suffering, stop being afraid of happiness, feel alive and forgive myself

and then I read this thing. I think I may have reached a decision. Which is another thing. —Two weeks later, and still no action taken. Arrghh.

finally dropped!!!!

So next fall, I will be a fourth year college student. Before then I want to keep working for a while, but plan on no longer working come the first week in August. After that, I want to go on a cross country road trip. New York to New Mexico! And hopefully, my sister will join me and we will travel in a square rather than two diagonals. This will cover more areas of the country that I have never even seen. And if we are really ambitious, we will return by way of Canada. I don’t want this to be an imaginary goal but a real plan. I need to liberate myself from a job I no longer enjoy. I need to have an adventure and see new, exciting, interesting things. And in the end I want to have no regrets.

but I am willing to commit to the change. I will not shy away from things I want just because they might turn out badly. I won’t suffer from lack of trying. I will not be afraid of the switch from depression to happiness. I will endevour to feel more alive, rather than feeling as though I merely exist. And most importantly I will forgive myself for all the things I imagine I am lacking. Too often, I find myself “wallowing in self pity.” This time would be better spent doing anything else.